58. What's wrong with me?

"And Jesus said to them, 'I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst.'" (John 6:35)

Is it wrong that I sometimes don't feel inwardly satisfied? Sometimes I feel like I need other things to scratch an itch that I have, to fill a missing puzzle-piece in my heart. I know the empty space is Jesus-shaped, and I also have experienced the utter bliss and contentment of being close to Him. However, sometimes I get thirsty and hungry again, and quickly consult worldly mediums (pun) to temporarily satisfy myself. Even in prayer, I can't concentrate and still think about secular forms of self-gratification. Consequently, prayers like these don't cut it. I'm convinced that the problem is not with the inherent act of praying. Therefore, it must be with me. What's wrong with me that I still hunger and thirst?

What Jesus said in John 6:35 is a promise. What, then, is preventing me from taking hold of this promise? Luther B. Bridgers, writer of hymn 326, someone who is not a TJC member and doesn't have the HS, claims that Jesus "fills [his] ev'ry longing." Given that I do have the HS and am a TJC member, why don't I feel that Jesus fills my every longing all the time?

Perhaps I have experienced this fulfillment for a weekend, a week, 2 weeks, a month, or a summer, but the promise is not supposed to be temporary. "He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst."

I think the problem with me is that I may be lacking faith. Maybe I don't completely believe in Him and His power. Maybe the reason I don't have satisfying prayers is because I don't believe they can truly satisfy me.

I seek this faith--this faith that can lead me to still waters, this faith that can guide me to eternal satisfaction, this faith that can stir my heart to sincerely sing, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Sweetest name I know, Fills my ev'ry longing, Keeps me singing as I go."

57. Chief

Hi everyone. You can call me chief.

56. Happy Independence Day

It is officially Independence Day! Did you know that?

At the set of sun at precisely 6:08:29 PM of Friday, October 22, 2010, I was freed from the bondage of nauseous attempts to debugging grossly inefficient C code. Oh, the release! Oh, the liberty!

On the other hand, at around 5:55pm, I was still futilely thinking, "Oh no, if I don't finish by Independence Day, I will have to work on it on Sunday." Indeed, we might sometimes think that Independence Day is a bondage. We can't get any "work work" done, and we have to put it all aside. However, it is not a bondage. Yes, I'm not done with the code. Yes, I'm still very behind on reading and studying for midterms. However, this day is a blessed day! A day of rest. A day especially set apart for us to enjoy freedom from the cares of the world.

By now, you are probably scoffing at my cheesy pseudonym for Sabbath. Of course, I'm talking about the Sabbath, our weekly Independence Day we get to cast all our stressful cares aside and reflect on the freedom Christ has given us through His blood: the freedom from the bondage of sin, from an eternal suffering, and just for today--this one day of the week--freedom from our toilsome labor in the world.

Ahh, indeed, happy Independence Day!

55. Frustration!

Have you ever felt really frustrated with people? Frustrated with school work? Frustrated with people and school work?

Have you ever felt so plain ol' frustrated that you can't even remember all the things you're frustrated about?

In moments like these, I like to write on this blog. This blog of nonsensical jargon. This blog of rambling and incoherent writing. This blog of patches and splotches of poorly transitioned prose.

But seriously. Have you ever tried to relieve your frustration by writing on your blog about writing on your blog and realizing that it was to no avail? If so, what should you do next? In the most desperate and honest plea: How would you get rid of this frustration?

54. Burnt Brain

Toast is delicious, especially right after a light toast in the oven and an application of some butter. Crispy on the outside, and scrumptiously moist on the inside. But, what about burnt toast? Really burnt toast? ...Not so delicious.

Noted for its atrocious burnt smell, burnt toast is black on the outside and hard all over. Burnt parts can cause cancer and taste like death.

Right now, I can detect a whiff of that burnt smell. But, it's not burnt toast. It's burnt brain.

Burnt brain can be caused by uninterrupted studying, concentrating for three or more consecutive classes, hard-to-understand lecturers who talk about hard-to-understand concepts, and trying to read a textbook after all the above.

Symptoms include headache, loss of grip, sore joints, muscle tension, pain when trying to think, drowsiness, increased temperatures in cerebral areas, disinterest in doing anything, feeling stuffy, misspelling or mistyping words, messy handwriting, daydreaming about computer programming code, and, in some occasions, sudden episodes of "Where am I? How did I get here?"

Don't get me wrong. It's good to think. In fact, it's quite deliciously stimulating to think and learn. However, like bread, if you toast the brain for too long, it can get burnt too. Good thing we have cellular respiration and our brain can repair itself to a certain degree when we rest - unlike burnt toast, which cannot repair itself.

Therefore, as the saying goes, "If you smell a burnt brain, get some rest."

53. Everyone Wants to be Right

Everyone wants to be right. You never want to be that guy that gets made fun of, that guy that said something weird, that guy that didn't make sense, that guy that says dumb jokes, or that guy that nobody respects. You never want to be that guy that was wrong. Actually, it's more than just being wrong. Nobody wants to be in an inferior position, looked down on, or disrespected. Nobody wants to be told, "You have the wrong idea." Right?

Quite the opposite.

Paul writes:
"Now therefore, it is already an utter failure for you that you go to law against one another. Why do you not rather accept wrong? Why do you not rather let yourselves be cheated?" (1 Cor 6:7)

Wanting to be right is utter failure. Instead of wanting to be right all the time, we should rather accept wrong and be cheated. Weird, huh? But, God says we will be blessed if we suffer for righteousness. If people think we're wrong even though we didn't do anything wrong, God will reward us for suffering the injustice.

But this carries to normal social situations. In conversation, don't we always want to be the guy that makes a good point? That makes a good joke? That people listen to? That people think is right? Don't we try to deflect embarrassment and try to change the subject when things could potentially be bad for us? Why not accept wrong and be cheated in these situations? Why not suffer a bad reputation? Why not be made fun of? Why not be criticized for making a bad point? Why not have people think poorly of you?

Sure, there's always the polite, "Oh no, I'm not really that good," but when it's not those obvious let-me-humble-myself-so-that-I-don't-appear-proud-to-others situations, are we willing to have people look poorly on us at our cost? Are we willing to have people think we're wrong?

Let us, instead, love correction. Let us love disciple (Pr 12:1). Let us love accepting that we made mistakes. Let us not always desire to have the upper hand in the conversations. Let us believe that we can always potentially be wrong. We should be willing to be looked down upon and not care so much if others give us credibility or face. Let us not always want to be right.

52. Poetry

Need to go study.
Been writing emails for a while.
Hard to concentrate.
Homework beginning to pile.

51. A Warning

"...as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings..."