58. What's wrong with me?

"And Jesus said to them, 'I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst.'" (John 6:35)

Is it wrong that I sometimes don't feel inwardly satisfied? Sometimes I feel like I need other things to scratch an itch that I have, to fill a missing puzzle-piece in my heart. I know the empty space is Jesus-shaped, and I also have experienced the utter bliss and contentment of being close to Him. However, sometimes I get thirsty and hungry again, and quickly consult worldly mediums (pun) to temporarily satisfy myself. Even in prayer, I can't concentrate and still think about secular forms of self-gratification. Consequently, prayers like these don't cut it. I'm convinced that the problem is not with the inherent act of praying. Therefore, it must be with me. What's wrong with me that I still hunger and thirst?

What Jesus said in John 6:35 is a promise. What, then, is preventing me from taking hold of this promise? Luther B. Bridgers, writer of hymn 326, someone who is not a TJC member and doesn't have the HS, claims that Jesus "fills [his] ev'ry longing." Given that I do have the HS and am a TJC member, why don't I feel that Jesus fills my every longing all the time?

Perhaps I have experienced this fulfillment for a weekend, a week, 2 weeks, a month, or a summer, but the promise is not supposed to be temporary. "He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst."

I think the problem with me is that I may be lacking faith. Maybe I don't completely believe in Him and His power. Maybe the reason I don't have satisfying prayers is because I don't believe they can truly satisfy me.

I seek this faith--this faith that can lead me to still waters, this faith that can guide me to eternal satisfaction, this faith that can stir my heart to sincerely sing, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Sweetest name I know, Fills my ev'ry longing, Keeps me singing as I go."