At church on Saturday, some bros nonchalantly encouraged me to go snowboarding the next day. After taking a 3 hour final (7:30pm-10:30pm) that night, one of them texted me and then persuaded me on gchat to go. I probably would not have gone if he wasn't so excited about it. Also, since I felt like I didn't do very well on the exam, I decided to snowboard my sorrows away.
A couple of brothers patiently taught me how to snowboard. I actually thought they would sort of teach me the gist of it and then leave after a while to do more extreme things, but there was always at least one brother with me to make sure I was okay.
After the learning slopes, we went on the gondola to the top of a mountain. Going down, I kept falling on purpose, trying to go slower, and resting. The brother who was with me kept encouraging me. After detouring to the Sugar Slopes and getting down, I felt I was done for the day. Again, the brother kept encouraging me to go again. The reasons I gave for falling on purpose and finishing for the day were:
(1) I was too tired.
(2) I was too scared.
Indeed I was very tired. I hadn't done anything substantially physical in weeks because I was working on finals/final projects, resting at home (winter break), or at SSC. My knees, tailbone, and wrists hurt, and my muscles were sore.
I was also scared. When I go down the slope too fast, I sometimes lose control, put my weight in the wrong places, and then fall painfully. I was afraid to get hurt. I was also afraid of hitting other people, especially the little children skiing/snowboarding and their parents. It was the idea of going down a slope very fast and being unable to have any control over what may happen.
In the resting area, I realized that these two reasons are reflective of the reasons I often give for slacking in spiritual pursuit. Besides being physically tired, I was often spiritually tired this past semester--feeling unmotivated to genuinely pursue God, not wanting to pray, and being sluggish.
On the mountain, when I was tired, I would just sit in the snow and wait till I was ready to get up again to snowboard. Sometimes I wanted to keep sitting even though I wasn't that tired and was too lazy to get moving again. Then, there were brothers who'd zip near me to encourage me to get up. This reminded me of a vision a member had before. In the vision, brothers and sisters were running a race on a track. There would be obstacles along the way. When people fell, angels would come to try to help them get back up. However, there was also a darkness creeping forward, slowly covering the track from behind. Sometimes, when a member fell and didn't get back up, the darkness would cover him.
There were moments this semester when I would almost forget my identity as a Christian. I would just stop in spiritual pursuit and keep going through my daily motions. It went from feeling spiritually low to feeling spiritually numb and indifferent about my poor spirituality. Thankfully, there were several brothers and sisters who prayed for me and helped me get back up.
Now, what about being too scared?
Whenever I experience a spiritual high, I always have a spiritual crash afterward. With this mentality, I would be discouraged in my spiritual pursuit. If I were to try very hard and start going fast, I would just fall again. So what's the point of trying and getting hurt?
However, these thoughts are from the enemy who want to frighten us from rebuilding the spiritual wall in our hearts.
"They were all trying to frighten us, thinking, 'Their hands will get too weak for the work, and it will not be completed.'
But I prayed, 'Now strengthen my hands.'” (Nehemiah 6:9)
The enemy wants us to think we will fail. He wants us to remember how tired and weak we are. He wants us to be afraid of starting and not being able to complete the task.
But no! I will not! Yes, my hands are weak. Yes, it seems impossible to overcome my weaknesses and build up my spiritual life. But, I will pray to the Almighty Lord Jesus, and He will strengthen my hands and do what He does best. He will make the impossible possible.
Thank God for the love and patience I was able to witness and receive from fellow brothers this weekend. May Jesus strengthen us along this journey, and may His name be glorified. Hallelujah!
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