77. I'll be satisfied as long

I am weak but Thou art strong;
Jesus keep me from all wrong;
I'll be satisfied as long
As I walk, let me walk close to Thee;

As I sang this verse during Winter Spiritual Cultivation at Elizabeth today, I felt a strong discord in my heart. Something that would have rung truer to me at the time would have been, "I'll be satisfied as long... as I can get an internship," or "I'll be satisfied as long... as I can get good grades."

How far has it been since I truly felt that I would be fully satisfied from just walking closer to Jesus? How far has it been since I could truly say "Amen" to this hymn? Since I started applying for internships, I've noticed my prayers have gotten more and more selfish. Perhaps they were already selfish before, but I realized how disgustingly selfish they had become. In prayer, I would think about my internship applications, upcoming interviews, or how I keep getting rejected. It didn't even seem like I cared about Jesus and our relationship.

I already am very blessed. What is there to be discontent about? Why do I care about my future so much that I forget about drawing closer to God? So what if I don't get an internship? Whether I do or not, I shouldn't let anything blind me from my desire to be closer to God.

Just a closer walk with Thee,
Grant it, Jesus, is my plea,
Daily walking close to Thee,
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.