40. Freewrite: Twelve

Freewrites are fun. There's no pressure. There are no rules. You can write anything you want. Coherence not required.

A freewrite is when you are given a topic. Don't think. Immediately start writing. Keep writing whatever comes to mind. Your pen or pencil (or fingers if you are typing) should not stop. Don't think about how you're going to say things, just keep writing. Don't go back. Don't change anything.

At EWR we did 5 minute freewrites. After we stopped, we had to write, "I noticed I am writing about..." Below is a freewrite from EWR on the topic "Twelve."



Twelve disciples. Twelve-year old girl who died. Twelve-year old Jesus. Twelve. Twelve. Twelve. Why is this number so important in the Bible? Jesus once said, “There are twelve hours in a day.” Yes, our time on earth is important. We must use all we have to serve God. All our time.

But a question comes to mind. Why does the number 12 signify completeness? The chosen people…those who are being saved in Revelations—the 144,000. That is also some multiple of 12? Or … wait.. I dunno if that works.

But nonetheless, twelve in an important number. If you add one, it becomes thirteen, which is an unlucky number.

Once, someone asked me, “What age would u want to remain forever?” I think we were talking about when we get to heaven and what age we would be.

I confidently answered, “Twelve.”

Then this person proceeded to comment, “What is because that was before you lost your innocence?”

I just laughed and changed the subject. Maybe because I knew that that was not the reason I said twelve. Or maybe it was because I was embarrassed that the truth was I had lost my innocence way before I was 12? But the real reason I said twelve was because that was a point in my life when I felt I was worry-free. Everything in my life seemed satisfying and I was very content. No worries about school—junior high or high school stress—just going to elementary school (6th grade) and then going home. Going to church. Going to choir. What a joyful time.

Though we often want to remain satisfied and never want to give up our own contentment and comfort, we know there are only 12 hours in a day. There is a limited time and we must serve God while we can.

---

I noticed that I am writing about using our limited/given time wisely as servants of God. I noticed I am also writing about joy?

39. $607

So last night I had a dream that I was at my high school. Actually, before that, I was in the Assembly Room at Hillsborough Church. I was at some sort of school setting with other students. We were playing video games. I was playing too. Later, we went outside, and I was at my high school quad area. (This reminds me of another dream when I was in the quad area and looking for someone selling ice cream and later bought something else.)

School was over, and I had to get to McDonalds to wait for my mom there until she got off work (I don't know why I had to do this because I have probably never gone to McDonalds to wait for my mom). I started walking on Orange Ave. It would be a few more blocks till I get to McDonalds (Actually, this reminds of a dream where I was walking in the streets by myself, and I wandered upon this spa area. I was only looking for a place to have lunch.) I kept walking, and then I saw some people I knew so I asked them for a ride to McDonalds. It was the head preceptor from REL252 in the passenger seat (but at that time it didn't click that she was the preceptor - I only knew that I knew her), and someone else in the driver's seat (maybe my professor from REL252, but maybe not). I was in the back. They missed the McDonalds. I think it was because they drove too fast. It was sort of dark. Then, we kept driving down the street, and they weren't turning back. It seemed that they were trying to find a good chance to turn around. There were some chances for them to turn around, but I think they were still driving too fast. I took a good look at the street sign (it was a board on my left out the window). We were on Dance St going toward Hollywood Ave (?). I'm not so sure about the latter street name.

Now, I don't remember what happened in between because I'm not writing this until now, but somehow I got into my mom's car. She told me that we were going somewhere with my dad. It was supposed to be nice or at least a big deal. She said that each person costs $600 to go. I think I said something like, "We can stay at hotels with that money." We got to the place. We got out of the car and went in. It was a casino/gaming place. It was well-lit. It was day time. My uncle, dad, and one of their friends were their.

I went to the register where we had to pay to get in. I saw that each person had to pay $607 to get in. My uncle or my dad's friend was putting in quarters in one of the machines. There weren't many people there. The place was small and not very luxurious or anything. It was just like a regular store.

I was not very happy about this. It was very obvious that it was a bad idea. I knew my parents knew, but my mom didn't say anything because she wouldn't say something bad about an idea that my dad made a big deal about, and my dad wouldn't say anything bad about something that his friends think is a big deal. So, I just tried to find something else to do. My mom forgot something in the car, but she couldn't go back to get it because once we pay the $607 fee, we had to stay in. If we leave, we have to pay the entrance fee again. Maybe it was so people can't cheat. I was thinking that, but that doesn't really make sense anymore. I realized I left my water bottle and other stuff (work to do, maybe) in the car.

So, I found some toys on the counter that kids probably played with. It was wooden. It was a board with trails on it with farm animals on wheels. There were magnets so the animals can link together and roll on the trail. There was a pig, cow, a white tall one (maybe a giraffe?), and some other animals. I played around. Some magnets were not in the right place, so it repelled instead of stuck. I was still frustrated inside, but I didn't show it or say anything.

Then, I woke up!

Should I have said something?

Lessons learned?
*I shouldn't have played video-games with the other kids, but sometimes when everyone is doing something, and it seems like it's on the "agenda" or "things-to-do," we just follow. Don't conform!
*Don't get in a car with people who spread false teachings - they'll drive you right past your true destination and lead you into darkness.
*Submit to parents even if it's a bad idea on their part. However, if it conflicts with your beliefs, you have to say something. Don't just let bad things happen for your whole family (spiritually bad things) and have everyone say nothing about it. Yes, they might get mad if you speak. In fact, you already know how they will probably react, but if it's for the sake of religion and keeping the teachings of the Bible, it must be done.

38. 黑木耳

Today I had hei1mu4er3 (黑木耳) as one of the dinner dishes. It was yummy.



It's the black stuff on the right. This photo is of my bian4dang1 for tomorrow's lunch. We had enough bian4dang1's for all of us! :)

My parents were teaching me about this hei1mu4er3, and so I said it sounds like sa1mu3er3 (撒母耳) - Chinese for Samuel, the Bible character.

Me: What was it called again?
Mom: It's called hei1mu4er3.
Me: Oh yea, it sounds like sa1mu3er3.
Mom: There's also bai2mu4er3. Both are very good.
Me: Oh yes, but sa1mu3er3 is best.
Mom: I lost to you okay? I lost to you! You won. You won! You beat everyone, okay?

37. Saturday Afternoon

[[Below is an entry I started writing on June 12. Just found some time today to finish it.]]
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I was wondering what time they usually start senior class. I went upstairs and saw some of the brothers and sisters finishing up their lunch. I sat down in an empty chair. My lunch of fried chicken, rice, and salad started to filter into my blood and take me into a partial food coma. Jacob, Isaac, Jessica Chu (Chen-to-be!) and Peter were talking, but I was too zoned out to hear anything.

“Albert, you look tired,” Jacob said. I smiled and tried to snap back into consciousness. I walked to the back of the room to check the schedule to see what time we usually started. Ah. 1:40-1:50pm is hymn-singing. It was 1:38pm. I went back to sit down. A few more minutes flew by, and it was well past 1:40pm.

“Are we even having class today?” asked Isaac. Some of the sisters had gone to Marian’s graduation, and we were the few left.

“We usually would have started by now,” said Jacob.

Jessica was playing with a pair of shades made of a sunglasses-shaped cutout of dark-colored film and two pieces of white hard paper for the ear parts.

“Those look like 3-D glasses,” said Isaac.

“Maybe we should watch a 3-D movie,” said Jacob. Jessica chuckled and wobbled the glasses around.

Trying to join the conversation, I asked, “Why do you have 3-D glasses?”

Jessica laughed. “Haha. They’re not 3-D glasses. I got my pupils dilated this morning, so everything’s really bright.” She leaned over to show me her dilated pupils. “See?” Yea, they were pretty dilated.

“You can’t just wear regular sunglasses?” I asked.

“Yea, but I didn’t bring any.”

Peter took some toilet paper, which was conveniently resting on the senior class table, and folded it into a nice square to blow his nose.

“Peter, every time I see you, you have allergies.” Isaac said.

“Yea, seriously. Every time!” Jacob affirmed passionately.

“Well, it’s not always this bad.” Peter replied.

Isaac disagreed. “But seriously, all year around, you’re like this--at least every time I see you. Maybe it’s only on Saturdays. You should take some Claritan.”

“No, you should take Zyrtec,” corrected Jessica.

“Oh yea, I mean… you should take some medication.”

Jacob looked over at me. “Albert, are you allergic to anything?”

“Hm… dust?” I replied. Peter scoffed.

“Oh! You should eat pu2tao2zi3,” Jessica exclaimed to Peter.

“Yea, I tried that before. I think they have pills,” replied Peter.

“Wait, like the kind in holy communion?” Jacob was confused.

“No, not grape juice. Grape seeds!” Jessica said.

“Ohh. I thought you said pu2tao2zi1.”

“What? I didn’t know you could eat those.” Now, Isaac was confused.

“Yea, it’s healthy,” Jessica replied.

“I always thought a tree would grow in your stomach if you ate the seeds.” Jacob was half-serious.

“Yea, remember that thing we saw with the actual people who had trees growing on them? Like tree people. Haha,” said Isaac. He was talking about something they saw on a show.

“Oh yea, I’ve seen that before.” I said.

“Oh, mhm,” Jessica remarked in affirmation that I probably did see it before.

“What? Where?” Isaac said in disbelief.

“On Youtube,” I said.

“Seeee,” said Jessica. She knew she was right.

Isaac continued: “Yea, it’s so gross. They were trying to cut it off. They had to cut off the wood that was growing so he could walk.”

“There were bugs growing in the wood too!” Jacob said.

Isaac shivered. “Ewww. Can you imagine that happening to you?”

“How do they even become like that?” I asked.

“The guys said, he had a cut on his knee when he was in the forest or something and then after that, he started to grow stuff on his skin,” replied Jessica. She always knows what she’s talking about.

“Ohh. It’s like his genes were changed…” I commented.

“1 in a million people are like that. So, there are like 6 people like that in the world,” said Isaac.

Jacob, the math-genius he is, corrected his brother, “Oh, you mean 1 in a billion?”

“Can you believe they have to go to the doctors every time they need to cut the wood? In the program, they were bleeding!” said Isaac.

“There was blood in their wood?” I asked.

“Oh. No, it’s the part where the wood meets the skin,” answered Jessica.

“Yea, where they mesh,” supplemented Isaac.

I thought about how that could even be possible. How does the wood and skin mesh? As the others continued to chat away, Jessica fumbled around with her benign pair of shades. She decided to put them on.

However, right after she put on her shades, something happened.

“Whoa! Why does everything look weird? Ow… Why does my neck feel so stiff!?” she frantically cried out.

“Jess, you’re… you’re a tree!... Wait… Ah! I can’t move my legs!!” Isaac screamed.

“Isaac, you’re a tree too! Why can’t I… huh? My arm is a… branch!” Jacob panicked.

I looked at myself and back at them. We were tree-people! Was I dreaming? What was going on? It was so surreal, like some sort of movie.

Then, I realized that this started happening when Jessica put on her shades, so I yelled to her. “Take off your glasses!”

“I can’t! I can’t move my arms!” She exclaimed.

Suddenly, a sweeping wind blew into the room, and the table, walls, piano, and white board disappeared. Everything became pitch black. I kept yelling “Take off your glasses!” but the wind was so loud that I could barely hear myself.

Then, a roaring voice louder than the violent wind spoke, “Cut it down! Cut it down! Why should it use up the soil?”

I could hear Isaac screaming a few feet away, “What is going on?!”

Then, I saw before us a dim light shining on a man. It suddenly became very quiet. This man was kneeling with a tree beside him. He replied to the voice, “Sir, please! Leave it alone for one more year, and I’ll dig around it and fertilize it. If it bears fruit next year, fine! If not, then cut it down.”

Then the loud roaring voice said, “Very well!”

The man disappeared, and we were swept about by the violent wind again. I could hear Jessica, Jacob, Isaac, and myself screaming, “Ahhhh!!”

Louder than before, the voice spoke, “Unless you repent and bear fruit, you too will all perish!”

Immediately, we were all back in our seats in the classroom, normal, panting, eyes opened, and trembling. Jessica was holding the pair of shades in front of her. Her jaws were dropped, and her hands were shaking. We looked at each other, not knowing what to make of what just happened.

What a Saturday afternoon...

36. Pop-up Flower Art

Last night was a busy night of dreaming.

I was in a big house or mansion. One of the rooms looked like the Assembly Room of Hillsborough Church. I was there looking for something in the closet. In the room were tables arranged for dining and all my cousins were there. They just finished eating. Then my grandma was there, and she asked me if the cousins could all eat at the dining hall at my school later, and that she'd pay for us. She was kind of quiet in asking me, and the others were looking at me to see how I would answer. I said yes. I think some people were seeing if I would let her treat us out because she's our elder. They were expecting me to say no plus something polite so that she would have to find some other opportunity. However, I could tell that she already thought it through, and she was pretty serious about it, so I didn't want to make it difficult.

Later, I walked out of that room and into the hallway. There was a lot of art work in the house - paintings and such on the walls. I forgot how I found out, but the mansion we were in was my grandma's house. Down the hall to my right were paintings of flowers with the pedals somewhat 3-D. My grandma told me that Shawn made those. I said, "Wow..." They were pretty good. I had no idea Shawn was doing this in his free time - nor that he gave them to grandma.


I forgot what happened in between, but later, the mansion was filled with people. I think it was a youth church event. We were all drawing and working on pieces of art. There were a lot of people. People were walking to and fro, and it was very festive.

Lots of things happened at the event, and here are a few things that I can remember:

At one point, I think Lisa C told me that we were going to move upstairs to work. So I took my paper and chair and pushed it up in the ceiling. The ceiling is the type where there are squares of foam boards, so one of the foam boards lifted up and my stuff went into the ceiling.

I was upstairs later and I was looking for my stuff. I was looking for a flap in the floor. I was in a classroom and there were a lot of people working on their project. I had to squish through to the place I thought my stuff was. I lifted it up and got my stuff. Then I started working on my piece. I didn't know what to draw. I first darkened the top with my piece of paper with charcole (not charcoal). Then, I started drawing a dog with big ears (like a chihuahua with big ears). I was only working on the ears. Close up it didn't look too bad, but when I kept looking at what I had, I was not very happy. I was trying to draw the ears, and it was hard.

Later, I was asking Jessica how to draw it because she's good with dogs. She showed me a picture (or a sketch) of a pochacco doll, but it was a doggy with a pochacco face (The Sanrio character).

Later, I was talking with Lina and Pastor Hwang. I forgot what we were talking about, but we all had to go somewhere, so we agreed to have a short meeting later. I don't know where I was going, but I was going toward the back of the mansion. Grady was telling me about his drawing. He was wearing a toy armor that he made with the plastic sticks. I think he was drawing that. We all these plastic sticks to build and make stuff with - it was like those connect toy-lego things. Some people made them into guns and were playing around. It was also to help us have a visual model when we were drawing. I think I had one of the stick guns in my hand. We were walking fast as we talked. It was time to pray, and people in the room were kneeling down, so Grady knelt down and prayed. I kept walking back.

As I was walking, it started getting more crowded. The press was following us. I got to the corner of the room where there was a door leading into the hallway. It was crowded. I turned around and Pastor Hwang was behind me, and the press and video crew were asking him questions. He was trying to get to the door too as he was answering them. I think they kept asking me questions too. I had around 4 mics in my hands.

I saw Pastor Hwang and Jia An, and I remembered that we were going to have a meeting. But, I didn't think it would be any time soon because it's so crowded.

I got out into the hallway, and people were lining up and walking into the room across the hall (I think it was the chapel?). Some people were dressed nicely. I thought to myself that it might be a wedding.

Later, I was thinking about my drawing and how I can improve. I thought about drawing a doll-like dog with the stitches still there and the eyes could be human eyes. I was thinking that it might still be unoriginal because some dog dolls have realistic looking eyes already. I also thought about using a picture online as a model because people were using the plastic connecting sticks to model things.

Anyway, what a weird dream.

Lessons learned? When people are trying to do something, and you can tell they are serious, don't make it more difficult for them - help them out. Shawn has secretly been working on pop-up flower art. Ceilings with the square foam boards are convenient for getting things from floor to floor. Ask people who have a background/experience in a field related to what you're doing - they can give you good advice/help. When working in church, it's good to have people from three different generations working together. Don't jump into doing things too quickly because thinking things through first can save a lot of time. Good ideas are from God.

35. Truth and Reality

Have you ever confused reality with imagination? Have you ever gone so deep into a dream or thought or chain of logic that the pure fact and the stable reality become a blur?

Several times when I read the Bible I find something extremely edifying, and it's such a wonderful feeling. Recently, I had dreams where I'm reading the Bible, and I find something interesting, and I keep thinking and marveling about it. I get the "feeling" I get when I actually read something awesome in the Bible, but it's not real--I'm not actually reading something from the real Bible.

Sometimes, my mom gets mad because I say something or because something happens. She'll keep repeating what I said or what happened, but the more she thinks about it and the more she retells what happens, it seems what originally happened gets twisted and blurred. Details that did not occur suddenly become part of what enrages her even more. The more she thinks about it, the farther away from reality it becomes. The more she thinks about it, the more furious she gets.

Of course, I should not see this entry as a chance to complain about someone I love. Rather, it is to make a point.

During sermon interpretation, sometimes the message slightly deviates from what the speaker is actually saying - either on purpose or not. For example, if the speaker says, "I'm pretty sure every one of us has or has had a problem with living by faith and not by sight," we might get an interpretation like, "Some of us might have had a problem with living by faith and not by sight before." Not the same meaning, but close. And from the not so close interpretation, can come different reactions. A person who hears the former might think, "Yea, I guess I have... I will keep listening to see how I can improve," but a person who hears the latter might think, "Oh, some of us? I'm probably not in that minority. But I think I might know some people who are like that."

Another example: Say five of us agree to pray 15 minutes after lunch on Saturdays for missionary work in Africa. However, we actually end up doing it 1 or 2 times every month because we sometimes have to go to a meeting, talk with someone, or do other things. And not all five of us show up every time. Then, in a conversation about missionary work in Africa, I tell someone that the five of us pray 15 minutes after lunch on Saturdays. Is that accurate? Of course we try to do that, but in reality, we don't do it every Saturday. Acceptable accuracy would be that we "try" to pray 15 minutes every week. However, to say that we actually do, that would not be factual, right?

How important is it to insist on factual accuracy? Are there hidden motives when we do not give an accurate picture of things? When we respond in a way as to give others a wrong impression of reality, is that deception? We know that every careless word we say will be judged (Mt 12:36). Our minds twist things up, our imagination distorts reality. However, one thing will never change: the words of God. The words of God are truth. The words of God are absolute. Let us aim to live by this truth and be perfect.

34. Expanse of the Sky

And God said, "Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water." So God made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above it. And it was so. God called the expanse "sky" (Genesis 1:6-8a).

What is this "expanse," or "firmament" (NKJV, KJV) called "sky," or "heaven"? It certainly is not the heaven that God created in Genesis 1:1. That existed when the earth was still formless. This "sky" was created on the second day. It is specifically called an expanse between the water on the earth and the water above the earth. Is this water above the earth the water that rained down in Noah's time? Is it just clouds? Or is it another body of water that encapsulates the universe?

In Genesis 1:14, God created "lights in the expanse of the sky to separate the day from night." The lights, here referring to sun and moon, are IN the expanse. The stars are also set "in the expanse of the sky" (Genesis 1:17). We know clearly that the sun, moon, and stars are not between the clouds and the oceans. If there were to be a body of water surrounding the earth in Noah's time before the flood, the sun and moon would still be outside of it. Does this verse just mean that the light given off by the sun and stars shines into the expanse of the sky? Or is there something obvious I'm not seeing? Or is there something more profound going on?