I recently started listening to sermons again.
While eating dinner just now, I was quite stunned when Pr. Hwang mentioned briefly in a sermon the name of Brother Daniel Zheng (This brother was shot and died in San Francisco when he went out to buy a mother's day card). Just yesterday at GG, Lulu mentioned him because we were talking about youngest people who attended the first NYTS in 1992, and she told me his story.
I'm convinced that this compelling coincidence was not mere coincidence. Perhaps God is telling me something. In the sermon, Pr. Hwang emphasized that if we live, we should not live for ourselves (though everyone lives for themselves). We must live for Jesus.
When I heard "We must not live for ourselves!" ringing through my 1st generation iPod touch, I couldn't help but feel my inner man strengthening.
This is something I really like about listening to sermons. Even though some teachings may not be "new", listening to someone talk about it with full conviction and power is very refreshing.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
112. For the Help of Man is Worthless
Give us aid against the enemy,
for the help of man is worthless.
With God we will gain the victory,
and he will trample down our enemies. (Ps 108:12-13)
One might find it difficult to believe that "the help of man is worthless."
In fact, from the eyes of the world, the only help available is the help of man. And people happily rely on this because the capabilities and potential of man are "great." (Look at the medical and technological advancements man has made in the past century!)
However, during both physical and spiritual struggles, whatever help the fleshly arm can provide (how ever "great" it may possibly be) is worthless compared to the arm of God. And to believe this is the core of what we call faith.
With this hard-to-come-by yet simple faith in our God, we can indeed trample down our enemies. God will trample down our enemies.
Who will bring me to the fortified city?
Is it not you, O God, you who have rejected us
and no longer go out with our armies?
Give us aid against the enemy,
for the help of man is worthless.
for the help of man is worthless.
With God we will gain the victory,
and he will trample down our enemies. (Ps 108:12-13)
One might find it difficult to believe that "the help of man is worthless."
In fact, from the eyes of the world, the only help available is the help of man. And people happily rely on this because the capabilities and potential of man are "great." (Look at the medical and technological advancements man has made in the past century!)
However, during both physical and spiritual struggles, whatever help the fleshly arm can provide (how ever "great" it may possibly be) is worthless compared to the arm of God. And to believe this is the core of what we call faith.
With this hard-to-come-by yet simple faith in our God, we can indeed trample down our enemies. God will trample down our enemies.
Who will bring me to the fortified city?
Is it not you, O God, you who have rejected us
and no longer go out with our armies?
Give us aid against the enemy,
for the help of man is worthless.
Monday, October 17, 2011
111. Surprise
At the back of every little kid's mind, there is a small hope of getting a surprise from their parents. "Maybe Mom will take me to Disneyland today instead of school." "Maybe Dad will give me a puppy for my birthday." Even though for many kids, the likelihood is close to none, there's still that small spark of hope somewhere deep inside.
However, as we grow older, we realize that these fantasies are unrealistic as we live year by year without such surprises. Not long, we forget we even once had these wishful expectations.
But... would we lose hope and forget if the surprise were a promise?
However, as we grow older, we realize that these fantasies are unrealistic as we live year by year without such surprises. Not long, we forget we even once had these wishful expectations.
But... would we lose hope and forget if the surprise were a promise?
Friday, October 14, 2011
110. Weeds Are Wrapped Around My Head
The waters surrounded me, even to my soul;
The deep closed around me;
Weeds were wrapped around my head. (Jonah 2:5)
This isn't just physical. The waters surrounded him even to his soul!
Have you ever felt this way? Waters surrounding you. The deep and darkness closing in on you. Your face wrapped with seaweed--unable to see, hear, or speak. Suffocating.
You're soul has fainted because of your sin--because you have rejected your God and gone against His ways. But yet, there is hope for ye hopeless! Oh really? Hope again?
When my soul fainted within me,
I remembered the LORD;
And my prayer went up to You,
Into Your holy temple. (Jonah 2:7)
Oh Lord, help me! Return to me and deliver me out of this endless churning in the stomach of the fish. Speak to that which is trapping me with your voice of authority. Then, I may be spit out (Jonah 2:10). Then, I may be freed.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
109. Tree of Life
During PMVP prayer last night, as I prayed about Geodude's decision to continue with his PhD or to work, I thought, "What if each option was equally okay with God?"
Of course, such a decision could matter a lot to us, but neither is forbidden. And let's say God did not command or give hints to choose either. In that case, wouldn't it be like eating any of the other fruits in Eden?
Then, I thought to myself, "Adam and Eve could freely eat any of those other trees. But, why eat from those trees when you could eat from the tree of life, which is way more awesome?"
At that moment, I realized I really wanted to eat from the tree of life. It's more than just a tasty, pretty tree (Gen 2:9); it can make you live forever (Gen 3:22)!
But I couldn't. There are angels guarding it (Rev 21:12), and nothing impure can ever enter (Rev 21:27)--only those who overcome (Rev 2:7, 21:7). Thinking about this made me want to overcome and pursue spiritual purity.
Adam got to taste fruit from the tree of kogae, but was it really worth it? His sin prevented passage past the cherubim guarding the tree of life (Gen 3:24).
The same goes for the people of God today. Tolerating small or large impurities sometimes seem okay, especially when we have convinced ourselves into lowering our perception of their severity. But nothing impure can ever enter! Either you're out or you're in. Either you die or you live forever.
How much do I want to eat from the tree of life?
Of course, such a decision could matter a lot to us, but neither is forbidden. And let's say God did not command or give hints to choose either. In that case, wouldn't it be like eating any of the other fruits in Eden?
Then, I thought to myself, "Adam and Eve could freely eat any of those other trees. But, why eat from those trees when you could eat from the tree of life, which is way more awesome?"
At that moment, I realized I really wanted to eat from the tree of life. It's more than just a tasty, pretty tree (Gen 2:9); it can make you live forever (Gen 3:22)!
But I couldn't. There are angels guarding it (Rev 21:12), and nothing impure can ever enter (Rev 21:27)--only those who overcome (Rev 2:7, 21:7). Thinking about this made me want to overcome and pursue spiritual purity.
Adam got to taste fruit from the tree of kogae, but was it really worth it? His sin prevented passage past the cherubim guarding the tree of life (Gen 3:24).
The same goes for the people of God today. Tolerating small or large impurities sometimes seem okay, especially when we have convinced ourselves into lowering our perception of their severity. But nothing impure can ever enter! Either you're out or you're in. Either you die or you live forever.
How much do I want to eat from the tree of life?
Sunday, October 2, 2011
108. He Punishes But Still Loves
30 “If his sons forsake my law
and do not follow my statutes,
31 if they violate my decrees
and fail to keep my commands,
32 I will punish their sin with the rod,
their iniquity with flogging;
33 but I will not take my love from him,
nor will I ever betray my faithfulness.
34 I will not violate my covenant
or alter what my lips have uttered.
35 Once for all, I have sworn by my holiness—
and I will not lie to David—
36 that his line will continue forever
and his throne endure before me like the sun;
37 it will be established forever like the moon,
the faithful witness in the sky.” (Ps 89:30-37)
and do not follow my statutes,
31 if they violate my decrees
and fail to keep my commands,
32 I will punish their sin with the rod,
their iniquity with flogging;
33 but I will not take my love from him,
nor will I ever betray my faithfulness.
34 I will not violate my covenant
or alter what my lips have uttered.
35 Once for all, I have sworn by my holiness—
and I will not lie to David—
36 that his line will continue forever
and his throne endure before me like the sun;
37 it will be established forever like the moon,
the faithful witness in the sky.” (Ps 89:30-37)
Friday, September 30, 2011
106. Freewrite: Concert
Freewrite: Concert
I used the first word this random word generator came up with for the freewrite below.
-----
Concert Hall. Concerto, a piano concerto. Playing in a dimmed concert hall, all you see is the wooden floor and the shiny black piano lit by the ceiling lights. Your tuxedo, your fingers. You dance acrobatically all over the keys of the instrument. You are hypnotized by your music, your emotions, your dream-like trance you have entered when you indulged yourself into this piece. When will this moment ever end? You don't want it to.
But, now you start to think... Yes, in the back of your mind you think. "There are hundreds of people watching me in this concert hall. Behind the veil of darkness and shadows are eyes watching my performance." As you think more, you begin to nerve yourself. "What if I mess up?" The light, free prancing becomes a calculated move, a precise striking of the machine, in order to produce the orderly sound that is appropriate for the audience. You begin to think about the technicalities of the piece.
What happened to the emotion? What happen to the genuine expression of your heart? You opened and poured out your heart in the beginning, but now that you value what others think, you sacrifice the true substance of the song. Forget about them. Forget about those eyes. Let what is not important fade away into the darkness. Let it recede to the concert hall. Return your heart to the true essence of the music of life. Open your heart and pour out the excesses of your emotions--until all that's left is you and the melody of your heart. Nothing but you and your beloved muse.
I used the first word this random word generator came up with for the freewrite below.
-----
Concert Hall. Concerto, a piano concerto. Playing in a dimmed concert hall, all you see is the wooden floor and the shiny black piano lit by the ceiling lights. Your tuxedo, your fingers. You dance acrobatically all over the keys of the instrument. You are hypnotized by your music, your emotions, your dream-like trance you have entered when you indulged yourself into this piece. When will this moment ever end? You don't want it to.
But, now you start to think... Yes, in the back of your mind you think. "There are hundreds of people watching me in this concert hall. Behind the veil of darkness and shadows are eyes watching my performance." As you think more, you begin to nerve yourself. "What if I mess up?" The light, free prancing becomes a calculated move, a precise striking of the machine, in order to produce the orderly sound that is appropriate for the audience. You begin to think about the technicalities of the piece.
What happened to the emotion? What happen to the genuine expression of your heart? You opened and poured out your heart in the beginning, but now that you value what others think, you sacrifice the true substance of the song. Forget about them. Forget about those eyes. Let what is not important fade away into the darkness. Let it recede to the concert hall. Return your heart to the true essence of the music of life. Open your heart and pour out the excesses of your emotions--until all that's left is you and the melody of your heart. Nothing but you and your beloved muse.
Monday, September 26, 2011
105. Your Displeasure Toward Us
Restore us again, God our Savior,
and put away your displeasure toward us. (Ps 85:4)
and put away your displeasure toward us. (Ps 85:4)
Sunday, September 25, 2011
103. The Cost
Even now it may be that the line you have crossed,
Have you counted, have you counted the cost?
Have you counted, have you counted the cost?
104. Kakali 2
The raspy voice continued, "Kakali, don't be foolish. I can train you to become the second strongest warrior in the world."
Thinking he was trying to prank call someone else but had accidentally called me, I replied, "Um... this is Albert. I think you have the wrong number."
"No, I don't. Albert is the name by which they call you, but your true name is Kakali. Now stop this nonsense and listen carefully to my instructions."
I decided to see how far this maniac would go with this. Trying not to laugh, I said, "Okay... but first of all. Who are you? Why is my true name Kakali? And why would I only be the second strongest?"
"That's a no brainer. Kakarot has long been gone, leaving me, Vegeta, Prince of all Saiyans, to be the strongest in the world! However, these earthlings and all the other creatures in this galaxy are no match for those of the pure race, which is why I am talking to you. You are Kakali, Kakarot's brother he never knew existed, making us the last true Saiyans on earth. Together, the possibilities are endless!"
"Haha. Yeah. Let's totally join forces." I chuckled.
"Fool, you think this is a joke? You should be incredibly grateful that I am even offering you this chance to live. I will give you time to think this through, but when we speak again, you best make the right choice."
"Oh okay, Vegeta," I said as I hung up the phone. I couldn't wait to blog in the morning about what had just happened. But I had to be honest: his sober conviction and firm tone was making me doubt--just slightly--the level of fabrication in his story.
Closing my eyes, I tried to fall back to sleep. However, something in my bed was making me feel uncomfortable. I soon realized this something was moving! I jumped out of my bed, opened the lights, and felt around my sheets. Nothing. Confused, I looked all around my bed. I was about to check behind the mirror when I realized something moving behind me in the reflection--something hairy!
Immediately, I turned around. "Where did it go?" I looked back toward the mirror. And there I saw what seemed to be a brown, slender tail that had grown out of my rear.
[To be continued...]
Thinking he was trying to prank call someone else but had accidentally called me, I replied, "Um... this is Albert. I think you have the wrong number."
"No, I don't. Albert is the name by which they call you, but your true name is Kakali. Now stop this nonsense and listen carefully to my instructions."
I decided to see how far this maniac would go with this. Trying not to laugh, I said, "Okay... but first of all. Who are you? Why is my true name Kakali? And why would I only be the second strongest?"
"That's a no brainer. Kakarot has long been gone, leaving me, Vegeta, Prince of all Saiyans, to be the strongest in the world! However, these earthlings and all the other creatures in this galaxy are no match for those of the pure race, which is why I am talking to you. You are Kakali, Kakarot's brother he never knew existed, making us the last true Saiyans on earth. Together, the possibilities are endless!"
"Haha. Yeah. Let's totally join forces." I chuckled.
"Fool, you think this is a joke? You should be incredibly grateful that I am even offering you this chance to live. I will give you time to think this through, but when we speak again, you best make the right choice."
"Oh okay, Vegeta," I said as I hung up the phone. I couldn't wait to blog in the morning about what had just happened. But I had to be honest: his sober conviction and firm tone was making me doubt--just slightly--the level of fabrication in his story.
Closing my eyes, I tried to fall back to sleep. However, something in my bed was making me feel uncomfortable. I soon realized this something was moving! I jumped out of my bed, opened the lights, and felt around my sheets. Nothing. Confused, I looked all around my bed. I was about to check behind the mirror when I realized something moving behind me in the reflection--something hairy!
Immediately, I turned around. "Where did it go?" I looked back toward the mirror. And there I saw what seemed to be a brown, slender tail that had grown out of my rear.
[To be continued...]
Thursday, September 22, 2011
102. Honey from the Rock
13 “If my people would only listen to me,
if Israel would only follow my ways,
14 how quickly I would subdue their enemies
and turn my hand against their foes!
15 Those who hate the LORD would cringe before him,
and their punishment would last forever.
16 But you would be fed with the finest of wheat;
with honey from the rock I would satisfy you.”
if Israel would only follow my ways,
14 how quickly I would subdue their enemies
and turn my hand against their foes!
15 Those who hate the LORD would cringe before him,
and their punishment would last forever.
16 But you would be fed with the finest of wheat;
with honey from the rock I would satisfy you.”
101. Life is like computer games
Living in this world is like playing some sort of computer game. You become so engaged in collecting items, gaining levels, building riches, and winning. You spend (may I say, waste) all this time pursuing successes that you know are essentially fake.
All these things you will have accomplished will amount to nothing. You will have to face reality once again. You will have to face the truth. And ultimately, you will have to take account for all of His time you wasted.
All these things you will have accomplished will amount to nothing. You will have to face reality once again. You will have to face the truth. And ultimately, you will have to take account for all of His time you wasted.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
100. D:
"He doesn't respect me!" she screamed.
A few days ago my mom couldn't find her credit card. We were about to call the bank to cancel it when she told my dad. She said she was going to ask him for the bank info, but apparently it was first time she told him about this. Then, my dad said that he took her card to use it.
She got really angry about this because she was so worried, and he never told her that he had taken it. She was putting the blame all on him in this situation, so I felt like siding with Dad and said that it's probably not a one-sided problem--that maybe she didn't need to freak out about it that much since in a worse-case scenario, we can just calmly cancel the card.
So...this was just a few minutes ago (literally) when she was screaming about this while my dad was showering. Apparently, the problem is that she was afraid to tell my dad early on because he would get angry at her, so she waited until she decided she'd cancel the card to tell him. Then, he had asked her when she knew she lost the card. This made her more mad.
When he came back from the shower, Mom was quiet and angry on the couch. And I told Dad, "She's mad because you don't respect her."
Then he said, "When has she respected me in these past 30 years."
gg
D:
A few days ago my mom couldn't find her credit card. We were about to call the bank to cancel it when she told my dad. She said she was going to ask him for the bank info, but apparently it was first time she told him about this. Then, my dad said that he took her card to use it.
She got really angry about this because she was so worried, and he never told her that he had taken it. She was putting the blame all on him in this situation, so I felt like siding with Dad and said that it's probably not a one-sided problem--that maybe she didn't need to freak out about it that much since in a worse-case scenario, we can just calmly cancel the card.
So...this was just a few minutes ago (literally) when she was screaming about this while my dad was showering. Apparently, the problem is that she was afraid to tell my dad early on because he would get angry at her, so she waited until she decided she'd cancel the card to tell him. Then, he had asked her when she knew she lost the card. This made her more mad.
When he came back from the shower, Mom was quiet and angry on the couch. And I told Dad, "She's mad because you don't respect her."
Then he said, "When has she respected me in these past 30 years."
gg
D:
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
99. Weakness and Sin
May those who hope in you
not be disgraced because of me,
O Lord, the LORD Almighty;
may those who seek you
not be put to shame because of me,
O God of Israel. (NIV, Ps 69:6)
I always hope that in my weakness and sin, others around me may not be affected negatively.
not be disgraced because of me,
O Lord, the LORD Almighty;
may those who seek you
not be put to shame because of me,
O God of Israel. (NIV, Ps 69:6)
I always hope that in my weakness and sin, others around me may not be affected negatively.
Friday, September 2, 2011
98. Fresh and Tired
How does one feel fresh and tired at the same time? But that's how I feel--refreshed in an inner sense, yet tired in a physical sense. Not lazy, lethargic tired though, but rather productive tired. Yet, not so productive. Right, not productive. But still fresh.
...Need to work on my word study.
...Need to work on my word study.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
97. Talk Show Charisma
My mom's watching one of those Chinese TV talk shows with funny sound effects on her laptop. I noticed that they were talking about religion.
A lady said, "I think spiritual pursuit is important, but I don't believe there is a God."
A guy says, "I believe that all gods exist. But they are inside you. Allah, Jesus, etc.. they are just representations of the compassion in us all."
Another guy says, "Christians say you can't do stuff like watch Harry Potter."
A girl says, "What? I'm Christian, and I watch that!"
He replies, "No. They say you're not supposed to."
I hope my mom doesn't get swayed by their talk show charisma and such.
Now, my mom just said, "[So-and-so] says she changed after she believed in God. They all say shang4di4 is God. Okay, let's go. Dad's waiting."
We're going to Cheesecake Factory for a celebratory dinner! I passed!
A lady said, "I think spiritual pursuit is important, but I don't believe there is a God."
A guy says, "I believe that all gods exist. But they are inside you. Allah, Jesus, etc.. they are just representations of the compassion in us all."
Another guy says, "Christians say you can't do stuff like watch Harry Potter."
A girl says, "What? I'm Christian, and I watch that!"
He replies, "No. They say you're not supposed to."
I hope my mom doesn't get swayed by their talk show charisma and such.
Now, my mom just said, "[So-and-so] says she changed after she believed in God. They all say shang4di4 is God. Okay, let's go. Dad's waiting."
We're going to Cheesecake Factory for a celebratory dinner! I passed!
Friday, May 20, 2011
96. Kakali
"This goes here, this here, that goes there, this is trash, that's also trash..."
It was time to move out, and I went through piles of papers, snacks, clips, books, and random paraphernalia, deciding what to keep and what to throw away.
I came to an old, orange plastic phone plugged into the wall, sitting on my window sill. "Oh yeah, this thing." I picked it up and pressed it to my ear. Nothing...Of course. Ever since I moved in and plugged the phone to the campus system, it never worked. Either the outlet in that room was dysfunctional or the phone was too old. Anywho, that thing was left there the whole year as another inconspicuous ornament in my plain, undecorated dorm room. I pulled the wire out and left it sitting on the sill next to my bed. "I'll put it away later."
I looked at the phone again. "Haha, it's the kind with a wire that coils. When was the last time I used one of those? The phone at home is a wee wireless white. Our previous one was a bulky black box... still wireless. Hm..." I stared to my side in efforts to recollect my memories...
"Oh, granola bars!" Forgetting what I was just doing, I ripped open a granola bar and munched away as I watched an old episode of Dragonball Z on my laptop. After my short break, I finished boxing my books and went off to shower.
I blow dried my hair, put some of my clothes in my suitcase, and went to bed, worn out from a day of packing. I laid in bed, smiling by the fact that I'd finally be moving out. As I drifted away into sleep, the echoing voices of the cacophonous college kids outside my window blurred into the background sounds of an opening scene to a promising dream...
Rrrriing!
"Huh? What's that?" I thought. Rudely awakened by the strange noise, I was figuring out if I was still in Garden Grove church, lending Wells my pair of dress pants.
Ring, rrrriing!
There is it again! Oh, I'm back in my room. But wait... my cell phone doesn't make that sound.
Ring, ring, ring!
It's the old phone! Regaining consciousness, I reached over my head to grab the phone.
"Hello?" I muffled with a sleepy whisper.
A deep voice replied, "Kakali. Listen carefully."
"Wh-Whaaat? Who is this?"
[To be continued...]
It was time to move out, and I went through piles of papers, snacks, clips, books, and random paraphernalia, deciding what to keep and what to throw away.
I came to an old, orange plastic phone plugged into the wall, sitting on my window sill. "Oh yeah, this thing." I picked it up and pressed it to my ear. Nothing...Of course. Ever since I moved in and plugged the phone to the campus system, it never worked. Either the outlet in that room was dysfunctional or the phone was too old. Anywho, that thing was left there the whole year as another inconspicuous ornament in my plain, undecorated dorm room. I pulled the wire out and left it sitting on the sill next to my bed. "I'll put it away later."
I looked at the phone again. "Haha, it's the kind with a wire that coils. When was the last time I used one of those? The phone at home is a wee wireless white. Our previous one was a bulky black box... still wireless. Hm..." I stared to my side in efforts to recollect my memories...
"Oh, granola bars!" Forgetting what I was just doing, I ripped open a granola bar and munched away as I watched an old episode of Dragonball Z on my laptop. After my short break, I finished boxing my books and went off to shower.
I blow dried my hair, put some of my clothes in my suitcase, and went to bed, worn out from a day of packing. I laid in bed, smiling by the fact that I'd finally be moving out. As I drifted away into sleep, the echoing voices of the cacophonous college kids outside my window blurred into the background sounds of an opening scene to a promising dream...
Rrrriing!
"Huh? What's that?" I thought. Rudely awakened by the strange noise, I was figuring out if I was still in Garden Grove church, lending Wells my pair of dress pants.
Ring, rrrriing!
There is it again! Oh, I'm back in my room. But wait... my cell phone doesn't make that sound.
Ring, ring, ring!
It's the old phone! Regaining consciousness, I reached over my head to grab the phone.
"Hello?" I muffled with a sleepy whisper.
A deep voice replied, "Kakali. Listen carefully."
"Wh-Whaaat? Who is this?"
[To be continued...]
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
95. Focus
Focus... Focus...
Focus focus focus!
A few more days till finals,
I really need to focus.
Stop the Facebook.
Stop the Youtube.
Stop the Gmail.
Stop the Hulu.
Don't be lazy.
Don't be lax.
Now's the time to study max.
Focus... Focus...
Focus focus focus!
A few more days till finals,
I really need to focus.
Focus focus focus!
A few more days till finals,
I really need to focus.
Stop the Facebook.
Stop the Youtube.
Stop the Gmail.
Stop the Hulu.
Don't be lazy.
Don't be lax.
Now's the time to study max.
Focus... Focus...
Focus focus focus!
A few more days till finals,
I really need to focus.
Friday, March 11, 2011
94. Flight Home
Last night at around 3AM, the fire alarm at my dorm went off. I was very upset because I had to wake up at 7 or 8AM to catch the 8:44 train in the morning (flight at 11:55am). I waited outside (it was raining) under an arch with other people from our dorm for the alarm to stop. It went on for about 20 minutes.
When I woke up this morning, I felt well-rested and knew something was wrong... I must have overslept. It was 9:36AM! I got my stuff and ran to the train station, bought a ticket, and hopped on. Thank God I made it, but I was 1 hour behind my intended schedule.
In the end, I made it in time for my flight and got to California early by circa 20 minutes.
I am reminded that
I can try to plan my future in my own risk-averse way, but God really knows what's best even though it seems awful to me at the time.
I was stressed that I might miss my flight, but instead, I ended up catching the flight, getting around 1 extra hour of sleep, and arriving at Cali early. And who knows, maybe God protected me from other obstacles as well?
Even if I never find out why some bad things may happen, may I purpose to Do All Things Without Grumbling or Complaining.
When I woke up this morning, I felt well-rested and knew something was wrong... I must have overslept. It was 9:36AM! I got my stuff and ran to the train station, bought a ticket, and hopped on. Thank God I made it, but I was 1 hour behind my intended schedule.
In the end, I made it in time for my flight and got to California early by circa 20 minutes.
I am reminded that
"In his heart a man plans his course,
but the LORD determines his steps." (Prov 16:9)
I can try to plan my future in my own risk-averse way, but God really knows what's best even though it seems awful to me at the time.
I was stressed that I might miss my flight, but instead, I ended up catching the flight, getting around 1 extra hour of sleep, and arriving at Cali early. And who knows, maybe God protected me from other obstacles as well?
Even if I never find out why some bad things may happen, may I purpose to Do All Things Without Grumbling or Complaining.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
93. Discomfited.
He thrust them into the baking oven and snapped the door shut. He was done. It was over.
He was supposed to feel happy. He was supposed to feel relieved.
But no.
He felt discomfited, very discomfited.
"Aw man, I should've spent more time kneading the dough."
He spent about 1-2 hours last night and a bit this morning kneading, but the texture and mix of the final pre-baked crust evidenced subpar preparations.
It was too late. The fire was going, and the pies were already in.
"Hope they don't turn out too bad."
He looked at his hands,
Stared at the oven;
Then, back at his hands.
He just wanted to cover his face and cry.
He was supposed to feel happy. He was supposed to feel relieved.
But no.
He felt discomfited, very discomfited.
"Aw man, I should've spent more time kneading the dough."
He spent about 1-2 hours last night and a bit this morning kneading, but the texture and mix of the final pre-baked crust evidenced subpar preparations.
It was too late. The fire was going, and the pies were already in.
"Hope they don't turn out too bad."
He looked at his hands,
Stared at the oven;
Then, back at his hands.
He just wanted to cover his face and cry.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
92. Summers
Just dropped the kids off at the pool. While I was there...
Some Freshman: Hey Zema, we only have three real summers left in our whole lives.
Zema: Not even. More like two.
Some Freshman: ... Oh yeah, internship.
Zema: Gotta get that internship.
Some Freshman: Hey Zema, we only have three real summers left in our whole lives.
Zema: Not even. More like two.
Some Freshman: ... Oh yeah, internship.
Zema: Gotta get that internship.
Monday, March 7, 2011
91. More Classroom Fun 2
Today we talked about Instrumental Variables (IV) in Econometrics.
--
[Talking about how it's good to have an overidentified IV regression.]
Professor: What do you do during Thanksgiving?
Student: You eat a lot.
Professor: Okay. Yea. You sit down during Thanksgiving, and you think, "Aw, I really like turkey. Oh! There's turkey!"...
"Aw, I really like gravy... Oh! There's gravy!"
"Aww, I really like mashed potatoes. Oh! There's mashed potatoes!"
Then you say, "Ohhh, I really like pecan pie. I really, really like pecan pie. OH! There's pecan pie too! ... There's also pumpkin pie, and I don't really like that, but that's okay because there's pecan pie."
Like, it's the same thing. "Boy, I really like instruments."
"Oh, why don't you have an instrument! Have a second instrument! Have a third, a fourth!"
"Thank God! Now I can write my paper!"
It's like Thanksgiving. There's 10 of your favorite things.
--
Professor: What's this variance? We don't know.
Student: It could be a zero or not zero.
Professor: That's right. It could be a zero or not because we don't know the true beta. Who knows what the true beta is? If you know the true beta, you know the variance. But nobody knows. Only God knows. God knows.
(Then, he wrote "God knows" on the board.)
--
Professor: Do you know the formula for this?
[nobody answers]
Professor: "No" is a fine answer.. because there's no midterm for this class. "It's midterm week, so I have to study for other important things. I don't have to time to memorize formulas."
--
[Talking about how it's good to have an overidentified IV regression.]
Professor: What do you do during Thanksgiving?
Student: You eat a lot.
Professor: Okay. Yea. You sit down during Thanksgiving, and you think, "Aw, I really like turkey. Oh! There's turkey!"...
"Aw, I really like gravy... Oh! There's gravy!"
"Aww, I really like mashed potatoes. Oh! There's mashed potatoes!"
Then you say, "Ohhh, I really like pecan pie. I really, really like pecan pie. OH! There's pecan pie too! ... There's also pumpkin pie, and I don't really like that, but that's okay because there's pecan pie."
Like, it's the same thing. "Boy, I really like instruments."
"Oh, why don't you have an instrument! Have a second instrument! Have a third, a fourth!"
"Thank God! Now I can write my paper!"
It's like Thanksgiving. There's 10 of your favorite things.
--
Professor: What's this variance? We don't know.
Student: It could be a zero or not zero.
Professor: That's right. It could be a zero or not because we don't know the true beta. Who knows what the true beta is? If you know the true beta, you know the variance. But nobody knows. Only God knows. God knows.
(Then, he wrote "God knows" on the board.)
--
Professor: Do you know the formula for this?
[nobody answers]
Professor: "No" is a fine answer.. because there's no midterm for this class. "It's midterm week, so I have to study for other important things. I don't have to time to memorize formulas."
Sunday, March 6, 2011
90. Church Fun
Student (to another student): Sticks and stones may break my bones--
Me: But words hurt the most.
Student: Noooo. Sticks and stones may break my bones--
Wayne (I think): But words break my heart.
Me: But words hurt the most.
Student: Noooo. Sticks and stones may break my bones--
Wayne (I think): But words break my heart.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
89. 困惑
Human intuition tells me that it's disrespectful to give someone dressed nicely a bad seat and someone in dirty, torn clothing a nice seat.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
88. More Classroom Fun
Some other random things my Econometrics professor said these weeks.
---
"If you don't get zero, throw your computer away."
"TSLS is also written as 2SLS because 3 starts with T as well. Believe is not, there is something called Three Stage Least Squares."
Talking about how statistically, if the first two children are of the same sex, the mother is more likely to have a third child.
"I don't know. For some reason, they want to experience hell in some other way."
Talking about how he presented statistical work about cigarettes in front of a judge and jury for the case he was doing. He generalizes about the type of work.
"You present your work in front of a judge, who is a lawyer, and a jury, who's like your mother-in-law. She's a great person, but doesn't know what a Multinomial Discrete Choice Model is. I can't communicate with my mother-in-law about things like this. And the judge thinks he's the smartest person in the world, but in reality, he's an idiot."
Then, he reveals that famous economist Daniel McFaden was coincidentally the judge in that case.
"For important things like this, you don't want to give it to chance. You want to hand it to a master."
---
"If you don't get zero, throw your computer away."
"TSLS is also written as 2SLS because 3 starts with T as well. Believe is not, there is something called Three Stage Least Squares."
Talking about how statistically, if the first two children are of the same sex, the mother is more likely to have a third child.
"I don't know. For some reason, they want to experience hell in some other way."
Talking about how he presented statistical work about cigarettes in front of a judge and jury for the case he was doing. He generalizes about the type of work.
"You present your work in front of a judge, who is a lawyer, and a jury, who's like your mother-in-law. She's a great person, but doesn't know what a Multinomial Discrete Choice Model is. I can't communicate with my mother-in-law about things like this. And the judge thinks he's the smartest person in the world, but in reality, he's an idiot."
Then, he reveals that famous economist Daniel McFaden was coincidentally the judge in that case.
"For important things like this, you don't want to give it to chance. You want to hand it to a master."
87. Computer, do this.
Econometrics
Professor: The problem with this is that you have to do it point by point. That's why we have computers that will test your betas while you have lunch, grab a beer, or go out with friends. Your computer will do it for you. It says, "I don't have friends. I don't need lunch. I just work while you have fun."
Professor: Computers are really fast. They can run 100,000 regressions. But you have to train it. I did it with this computer--this laptop (shows us his small laptop). And ya know, it took about a second. Of course, I kept messing up, so I had to say, "Oh, there's another second." (click motion with finger) "Oh, there's another second." (click motion with finger)
Professor: What a drag. It only took a second, so I couldn't have lunch.
[Then, we asked him how to do it on the computer.)
Professor: You guys are really smart and hardworking, so that's it. You'll figure it out because you're smart and hardworking.
ggelizpwned
Professor: The problem with this is that you have to do it point by point. That's why we have computers that will test your betas while you have lunch, grab a beer, or go out with friends. Your computer will do it for you. It says, "I don't have friends. I don't need lunch. I just work while you have fun."
Professor: Computers are really fast. They can run 100,000 regressions. But you have to train it. I did it with this computer--this laptop (shows us his small laptop). And ya know, it took about a second. Of course, I kept messing up, so I had to say, "Oh, there's another second." (click motion with finger) "Oh, there's another second." (click motion with finger)
Professor: What a drag. It only took a second, so I couldn't have lunch.
[Then, we asked him how to do it on the computer.)
Professor: You guys are really smart and hardworking, so that's it. You'll figure it out because you're smart and hardworking.
ggelizpwned
Saturday, February 26, 2011
86. Oh, I've seen this before
(Blog post started on 1/7/11. Finally got to finish it today.)
Thank God I got a lot out of the senior class last week about David. Surprisingly, some of the stories and lessons were reinforced through recent sermons I heard.
Things that stood out to me:
1. David defeats Philistines twice
2. David spares Saul twice
3. Mephibosheth
This entry is about "David defeats Philistines twice." This was part of a Monday night service.
----
In 2 Sam 5:18,22, the Philistines came and spread out in the Valley of Rephaim twice. In both instances, David inquired of the Lord.
The first time, God told him to attack the Philistines, saying "Go, for I will surely hand the Philistines over to you."
However, in the second inquiry, God told David, "Do not go straight up, but circle around behind them and attack them in front of the balsam trees. As soon as you hear the sound of marching in the tops of the balsam trees, move quickly, because that will mean the Lord has gone out in front of you to strike the Philistine army."
Whoa, what a mouthful.
David encountered the same challenge of the Philistines spread out in the Valley of Rephaim twice. However, what is most notable is that he inquires of God even in the second time. Often, when we encounter difficulties in life (holy work, school work, work work, family...) for the first time, we may be filled with insecurities and earnestly ask God to guide us through. However, when it comes to the 2nd or 3rd time around a difficulty that seems identical to the last, the prayers aren't as urgent or earnest. In fact, sometimes we might even think, "Oh, I've seen this before."
Well, what would have happened if David thought, "Oh, I've seen this before"? If he never inquired of God again, he would have lost.
It's really hard to always quiet myself down to ask God about something I think I already know. I usually will just want to get my hands on the work and finish it. However, in preparing for the last semester's campus evangelical event, I realized so many things I thought would have just been simple repeated procedures were totally different.
Perhaps experience will expedite and smoothen some of the things we do, but in the end, what matters is if we ask God about it. What matters is if we really care about what God thinks. Does it please Him? Or am I just working away in my own little world?
When we inquire of God, it is a sign of humility. And who knows, maybe we'll get a long-winded, complicated answer for a situation in which God gave us a short answer the first time.
(Bread for Wells also mentions this story if you want to read more. Also, I probably won't be blogging about the other things I learned. Too long ago.)
Thank God I got a lot out of the senior class last week about David. Surprisingly, some of the stories and lessons were reinforced through recent sermons I heard.
Things that stood out to me:
1. David defeats Philistines twice
2. David spares Saul twice
3. Mephibosheth
This entry is about "David defeats Philistines twice." This was part of a Monday night service.
----
In 2 Sam 5:18,22, the Philistines came and spread out in the Valley of Rephaim twice. In both instances, David inquired of the Lord.
The first time, God told him to attack the Philistines, saying "Go, for I will surely hand the Philistines over to you."
However, in the second inquiry, God told David, "Do not go straight up, but circle around behind them and attack them in front of the balsam trees. As soon as you hear the sound of marching in the tops of the balsam trees, move quickly, because that will mean the Lord has gone out in front of you to strike the Philistine army."
Whoa, what a mouthful.
David encountered the same challenge of the Philistines spread out in the Valley of Rephaim twice. However, what is most notable is that he inquires of God even in the second time. Often, when we encounter difficulties in life (holy work, school work, work work, family...) for the first time, we may be filled with insecurities and earnestly ask God to guide us through. However, when it comes to the 2nd or 3rd time around a difficulty that seems identical to the last, the prayers aren't as urgent or earnest. In fact, sometimes we might even think, "Oh, I've seen this before."
Well, what would have happened if David thought, "Oh, I've seen this before"? If he never inquired of God again, he would have lost.
It's really hard to always quiet myself down to ask God about something I think I already know. I usually will just want to get my hands on the work and finish it. However, in preparing for the last semester's campus evangelical event, I realized so many things I thought would have just been simple repeated procedures were totally different.
Perhaps experience will expedite and smoothen some of the things we do, but in the end, what matters is if we ask God about it. What matters is if we really care about what God thinks. Does it please Him? Or am I just working away in my own little world?
When we inquire of God, it is a sign of humility. And who knows, maybe we'll get a long-winded, complicated answer for a situation in which God gave us a short answer the first time.
(Bread for Wells also mentions this story if you want to read more. Also, I probably won't be blogging about the other things I learned. Too long ago.)
85. ¿Hablas español?
One Saturday evening, as I was sitting on the train back to school, a woman suddenly approached me asking, "¿Hablas español?"
What are the chances that a middle-aged Hispanic woman would ask a young Asian boy if he spoke Spanish?
"Sí," I responded.
She proceeded to tell me that she was trying to get back to the Elizabeth train station because she didn’t get off at the right time. She was very frantic.
With horrible Spanish, I tried to tell her that she could switch trains at the next station. I think I may have misinterpreted her problem because she kept trying to clarify. I also kept asking her what she was talking about.
From then on, I realized I could hardly understand her Spanish. Even though I could hear the words she was saying, I had to translate them into English in my mind. For example, she said quickly, “Si me puedas decir…” followed by a mix of other words. I was already stuck at “Si me puedas decir,” thinking about how to interpret her use of a conditional statement and subjunctive mood. By the time I figured out that she was using an indirect object pronoun in her “se” construction to say, “If you can tell me…”, she had already left to find someone else to help her.
I realized how under-prepared I was to evangelize in Spanish even though we’ve had Spanish Bible studies and Spanish MVP. If I couldn’t even help her solve her train problem, how could I help her discover salvation? Feeling utterly useless, I sat in my seat thinking about how I would blog about this experience.
She had gone to a man who spoke Spanish, and I was hoping she would come back, so I could give her a church card. I got out an Elizabeth TJC card and wrote the service times and church name in Spanish (They were in Chinese/English). After she spoke with the man, she walked away to sit down somewhere else. I felt that it was probably a lost cause because she had already decided to sit somewhere else. However, I prayed in my heart that she would somehow come back toward where I was sitting so I could give her the card.
At the station right before I needed to get off, she came toward where I was sitting to exit. Thank God! I walked over.
I tried to see if she found out how to get back, “Señora, ¿sabes como…uh…” Fumble.
“Sí, sí,” she affirmed.
“Oh okay. Um… Quiero invitarte a mi iglesia.” I handed her the card. She wasn’t too excited.
“Gracias, gracias,” she said.
Thank God I was able to give her a church card at the end. Perhaps things worked out this way so that I had time to write the Spanish on the card. Perhaps she may be inspired to come when she sees the card in her bag in the future. Or perhaps her husband might see it and come. Who knows? God will bring His sheep if they belong to Him.
Overall, I realized how much I still need to improve in conversational Spanish (applying the academic), especially for preaching. Even more important, I realized that no matter how much we physically prepare, everything is truly in God’s hand – timing, ability to preach the Word, etc. May God give us inspiration, strength, and power to do what He has sent us out to do!
(Visit http://tjcevangelize.tumblr.com/ for more blog posts about evangelism.)
What are the chances that a middle-aged Hispanic woman would ask a young Asian boy if he spoke Spanish?
"Sí," I responded.
She proceeded to tell me that she was trying to get back to the Elizabeth train station because she didn’t get off at the right time. She was very frantic.
With horrible Spanish, I tried to tell her that she could switch trains at the next station. I think I may have misinterpreted her problem because she kept trying to clarify. I also kept asking her what she was talking about.
From then on, I realized I could hardly understand her Spanish. Even though I could hear the words she was saying, I had to translate them into English in my mind. For example, she said quickly, “Si me puedas decir…” followed by a mix of other words. I was already stuck at “Si me puedas decir,” thinking about how to interpret her use of a conditional statement and subjunctive mood. By the time I figured out that she was using an indirect object pronoun in her “se” construction to say, “If you can tell me…”, she had already left to find someone else to help her.
I realized how under-prepared I was to evangelize in Spanish even though we’ve had Spanish Bible studies and Spanish MVP. If I couldn’t even help her solve her train problem, how could I help her discover salvation? Feeling utterly useless, I sat in my seat thinking about how I would blog about this experience.
She had gone to a man who spoke Spanish, and I was hoping she would come back, so I could give her a church card. I got out an Elizabeth TJC card and wrote the service times and church name in Spanish (They were in Chinese/English). After she spoke with the man, she walked away to sit down somewhere else. I felt that it was probably a lost cause because she had already decided to sit somewhere else. However, I prayed in my heart that she would somehow come back toward where I was sitting so I could give her the card.
At the station right before I needed to get off, she came toward where I was sitting to exit. Thank God! I walked over.
I tried to see if she found out how to get back, “Señora, ¿sabes como…uh…” Fumble.
“Sí, sí,” she affirmed.
“Oh okay. Um… Quiero invitarte a mi iglesia.” I handed her the card. She wasn’t too excited.
“Gracias, gracias,” she said.
Thank God I was able to give her a church card at the end. Perhaps things worked out this way so that I had time to write the Spanish on the card. Perhaps she may be inspired to come when she sees the card in her bag in the future. Or perhaps her husband might see it and come. Who knows? God will bring His sheep if they belong to Him.
Overall, I realized how much I still need to improve in conversational Spanish (applying the academic), especially for preaching. Even more important, I realized that no matter how much we physically prepare, everything is truly in God’s hand – timing, ability to preach the Word, etc. May God give us inspiration, strength, and power to do what He has sent us out to do!
(Visit http://tjcevangelize.tumblr.com/ for more blog posts about evangelism.)
Friday, February 25, 2011
84. Message in the Night
I'm lying in a bed, not knowing if I'm dreaming or awake. I'm turned to the left with my back exposed from the blanket. Everything is dark and blurry. My eyes aren't open, but I can see or at least imagine what I look like.
Suddenly, I feel paranoid. Is there something behind me to my right? No, it can't be. It doesn't feel like there is.
Maybe I should check to make sure.
Uh oh.
I can't turn my head. I can't open my eyes.
What if there is something behind me?
Now I'm getting scared.
Hallelujah.
Did I just whisper that or think that? I need to say it louder.
Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!...Hallelujah!
Oh my gosh, I think there's something there.
Wait. I hear some words. "...repent... sins..." I hear some more words and try to piece them together in my mind.
...
"You repent for your sins, but you do not change your ways."
Suddenly, I feel paranoid. Is there something behind me to my right? No, it can't be. It doesn't feel like there is.
Maybe I should check to make sure.
Uh oh.
I can't turn my head. I can't open my eyes.
What if there is something behind me?
Now I'm getting scared.
Hallelujah.
Did I just whisper that or think that? I need to say it louder.
Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!...Hallelujah!
Oh my gosh, I think there's something there.
Wait. I hear some words. "...repent... sins..." I hear some more words and try to piece them together in my mind.
...
"You repent for your sins, but you do not change your ways."
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
83. Classroom Carrots
Intro to Logic Design
Professor: [asks a question] "Anyone? I'd like to see more hands. Last time I said I would have an incentive, and I have something today."
[three hands shoot up]
[student answers question]
[professor supplements]
Professor: [reaches into bag] "You were probably expecting candy, but instead, I have... carrots!"
[throws bag of carrots to student]
Professor: "There's more where that came from."
--
He gave away 2 bags of carrots, and I was the second one. Whoo!
In conclusion, long lectures are more bearable with more rest/sleep. Carrots help too.
Professor: [asks a question] "Anyone? I'd like to see more hands. Last time I said I would have an incentive, and I have something today."
[three hands shoot up]
[student answers question]
[professor supplements]
Professor: [reaches into bag] "You were probably expecting candy, but instead, I have... carrots!"
[throws bag of carrots to student]
Professor: "There's more where that came from."
--
He gave away 2 bags of carrots, and I was the second one. Whoo!
In conclusion, long lectures are more bearable with more rest/sleep. Carrots help too.
Monday, February 21, 2011
82. Classroom Fun
Econometrics
Professor: "What is a better way to estimate this?"
Student: "MLE,"
Professor: "What's MLE? I don't know what MLE is! Who knows what MLE is? ...[pause]... Actually, I know what it is--Maximum Likelihood Estimator. And you're right. But I don't want to go there yet."
Professor: "What is a better way to estimate this?"
Student: "MLE,"
Professor: "What's MLE? I don't know what MLE is! Who knows what MLE is? ...[pause]... Actually, I know what it is--Maximum Likelihood Estimator. And you're right. But I don't want to go there yet."
81. Disgusting
"An example of a positive externality is when you make your yard very pretty. If I walk by, I'll see it and say, 'Oh, it's so beautiful,' and my utility will increase. But, when you work on your yard, you don't think about how other people's utility will increase. You only do it because you like it, and you only consider your own costs."
Said my professor in the lecture I just came back from.
She said it like it was a matter of fact, and nobody openly reacted strangely to this. Personally, I thought her statement was very weird. Of course, she was trying to explain positive externalities, but I can totally imagine an old lady who keeps her yard so that she can brighten the day of those living in her neighborhood. People making their yards pretty also probably do care about what other's think about their yard, and if others like their yard, their own utility will increase. It's more like simultaneous causality.
However, what she said also made me think of how I often just care about my own good and what costs I have to make to achieve personal benefits. How much I may care for others doesn't even come close to how much I care and think for myself. And when I do happen to conveniently do something for others, I subconsciously praise myself for being such a nice person.
Disgusting.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
80. Wall Street Fat Cat
Today was the last internship interview I had (unless I get notified of other ones).
I really like this internship. But, it's a 3 hour train ride to the closest church.
The people are nice. I would be working in the energy industry (interesting!) under a FERC non-profit ISO, instead of as a Wall Street fat cat.
Thank God they said it was a good interview. I find out the results at the end of March. I was their first interviewee, and they still have other ones. So much uncertainty about tomorrow and what will happen... but at least I know who holds my hand.
Where He leads me, I will follow.
I'll go with Him, with Him all the way.
I really like this internship. But, it's a 3 hour train ride to the closest church.
The people are nice. I would be working in the energy industry (interesting!) under a FERC non-profit ISO, instead of as a Wall Street fat cat.
Thank God they said it was a good interview. I find out the results at the end of March. I was their first interviewee, and they still have other ones. So much uncertainty about tomorrow and what will happen... but at least I know who holds my hand.
Where He leads me, I will follow.
I'll go with Him, with Him all the way.
Monday, February 14, 2011
79. Post-Interview Happiness
I just came back from an interview for a finance position and am now feeling very happy.
I actually already assumed beforehand that I would not do well in the interview and not get the internship, so I decided to bring some TJC calendar cards to give to the interviewer. Might as well put my 30 minutes to some use.
However, it turns out they didn't ask me any scary finance questions. (I didn't have any time this weekend to prepare). We went through my resume, they talked about their experiences, and in a couple of days, I'll get a response. It was mostly conversation. The internship itself would be doing number crunching and preparing presentations. Hardcore training will only come if you are invited back after the internship.
The interviewers were also very nice and smiley, so I actually had a good time. I came out feeling quite happy. When I was walking back to my dorm, there was a girl who smiled in my direction and said "Hey, how're you doing?" Even though she wasn't talking to me, it added to the brightening of my day. And just before writing this post, I read on a brother's status, "Happy happy everywhere."
Indeed, happy happy happy everywhere! Whether I get an offer or not, I will rejoice in the LORD forever!
I actually already assumed beforehand that I would not do well in the interview and not get the internship, so I decided to bring some TJC calendar cards to give to the interviewer. Might as well put my 30 minutes to some use.
However, it turns out they didn't ask me any scary finance questions. (I didn't have any time this weekend to prepare). We went through my resume, they talked about their experiences, and in a couple of days, I'll get a response. It was mostly conversation. The internship itself would be doing number crunching and preparing presentations. Hardcore training will only come if you are invited back after the internship.
The interviewers were also very nice and smiley, so I actually had a good time. I came out feeling quite happy. When I was walking back to my dorm, there was a girl who smiled in my direction and said "Hey, how're you doing?" Even though she wasn't talking to me, it added to the brightening of my day. And just before writing this post, I read on a brother's status, "Happy happy everywhere."
Indeed, happy happy happy everywhere! Whether I get an offer or not, I will rejoice in the LORD forever!
Sunday, February 13, 2011
78. Inconsistence
Inconsistent behavior is often a result of favoritism, bias, prejudice, and caring too much about what others think.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
77. I'll be satisfied as long
I am weak but Thou art strong;
Jesus keep me from all wrong;
I'll be satisfied as long
As I walk, let me walk close to Thee;
As I sang this verse during Winter Spiritual Cultivation at Elizabeth today, I felt a strong discord in my heart. Something that would have rung truer to me at the time would have been, "I'll be satisfied as long... as I can get an internship," or "I'll be satisfied as long... as I can get good grades."
How far has it been since I truly felt that I would be fully satisfied from just walking closer to Jesus? How far has it been since I could truly say "Amen" to this hymn? Since I started applying for internships, I've noticed my prayers have gotten more and more selfish. Perhaps they were already selfish before, but I realized how disgustingly selfish they had become. In prayer, I would think about my internship applications, upcoming interviews, or how I keep getting rejected. It didn't even seem like I cared about Jesus and our relationship.
I already am very blessed. What is there to be discontent about? Why do I care about my future so much that I forget about drawing closer to God? So what if I don't get an internship? Whether I do or not, I shouldn't let anything blind me from my desire to be closer to God.
Just a closer walk with Thee,
Grant it, Jesus, is my plea,
Daily walking close to Thee,
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.
Jesus keep me from all wrong;
I'll be satisfied as long
As I walk, let me walk close to Thee;
As I sang this verse during Winter Spiritual Cultivation at Elizabeth today, I felt a strong discord in my heart. Something that would have rung truer to me at the time would have been, "I'll be satisfied as long... as I can get an internship," or "I'll be satisfied as long... as I can get good grades."
How far has it been since I truly felt that I would be fully satisfied from just walking closer to Jesus? How far has it been since I could truly say "Amen" to this hymn? Since I started applying for internships, I've noticed my prayers have gotten more and more selfish. Perhaps they were already selfish before, but I realized how disgustingly selfish they had become. In prayer, I would think about my internship applications, upcoming interviews, or how I keep getting rejected. It didn't even seem like I cared about Jesus and our relationship.
I already am very blessed. What is there to be discontent about? Why do I care about my future so much that I forget about drawing closer to God? So what if I don't get an internship? Whether I do or not, I shouldn't let anything blind me from my desire to be closer to God.
Just a closer walk with Thee,
Grant it, Jesus, is my plea,
Daily walking close to Thee,
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
76. Hidden Star
Her name means "hidden star."
She was hidden for a long time, and revealed at the crucial moment. Yet, at that point in time, she powerfully emitted the piercing rays of salvation with the mighty support of the king, her maids, and her people.
That she "won the favor of everyone who saw her" is constantly repeated. While her true identity and purpose were hidden, she humbly listened to the experienced (2:15) and diligently established good relationships with all those around her. That is how she won favor.
Then, the time came--the opportunity for the star to be revealed. From her previous good relations came a group of maids to fast with her, all the Jews in the city to fast for her, and a kind king who would grant her request. She saved the Jews with such an influential momentum that "many people of other nationalities [even] became Jews" (8:17).
In order for our stars to shine their brightest, we must learn from the ways of the hidden star who won the favor of everyone who saw her. Though she remained hidden for most of her story life, she did not waste that time. She patiently built good relations with everyone.
She was hidden for a long time, and revealed at the crucial moment. Yet, at that point in time, she powerfully emitted the piercing rays of salvation with the mighty support of the king, her maids, and her people.
That she "won the favor of everyone who saw her" is constantly repeated. While her true identity and purpose were hidden, she humbly listened to the experienced (2:15) and diligently established good relationships with all those around her. That is how she won favor.
Then, the time came--the opportunity for the star to be revealed. From her previous good relations came a group of maids to fast with her, all the Jews in the city to fast for her, and a kind king who would grant her request. She saved the Jews with such an influential momentum that "many people of other nationalities [even] became Jews" (8:17).
In order for our stars to shine their brightest, we must learn from the ways of the hidden star who won the favor of everyone who saw her. Though she remained hidden for most of her story life, she did not waste that time. She patiently built good relations with everyone.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
75. Sleeping More
Sleeping more, or rather enough, really does make a difference.
This semester, I'll be needing it in order to concentrate in classes, be on top of my work, and not being in a zombie state of "too tired to work, too early to sleep."
Being physically refreshed from sleep also tends to help me be more spiritually alert.
Average morning class time is earlier than last semester. My aim is to wake up at 8am everyday and sleep at 11:30pm. Let's go!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
74. Positive correlation between praying and being right?
I realize that when I pray more and sin less, I believe that the things I say and think are more likely to be right. Doesn't it make sense that more prayer increases the likelihood of being filled with the Holy Spirit and speaking God-inspired words?
However, this can lead to self-righteous thinking. Pharisees prayed and knew the Scriptures so well that they were confident they were right. Compared to someone who didn't pray and read the Scriptures, wouldn't a Pharisee more likely be right when explaining the teachings of God? In the same way, we may think that we've had a good week/SSC/NYTS/CYC/etc and are in a spiritual high. Therefore, we are probably right when we explain such-and-such a passage or when we make certain choices/perform certain actions.
However, evil and wrong thoughts are just as likely to come in. For example, have you ever suddenly had a lustful or prideful thought and had to cast it out of your mind during a self-assumed spiritual high? If that is possible, it is just as possible that any other kind of wrong thinking may occur.
Lastly, people who don't have the abidance of God can totally say the right things too. Take one of my favorite examples, Eli. He said the right things at the right times. When Hannah was weeping in the temple, his words gave her peace. He gave Samuel the famous line, "Speak, for your servant is listening." Great advice. Wise words. However, he was evil and condemned. God was not with him.
So, let us remember: No matter what stage in our spirituality, we can always be wrong. Just because we are a servant of God doesn't mean everything we say is automatically God's message. It doesn't mean everything we think is automatically what God thinks--even if it is based on the Bible. Just because we have a strong opinion about something, doesn't mean God agrees. Let us not confuse our will with God's will. Always meticulously listen for God, inquire of Him, and be ready to yield to His will.
However, this can lead to self-righteous thinking. Pharisees prayed and knew the Scriptures so well that they were confident they were right. Compared to someone who didn't pray and read the Scriptures, wouldn't a Pharisee more likely be right when explaining the teachings of God? In the same way, we may think that we've had a good week/SSC/NYTS/CYC/etc and are in a spiritual high. Therefore, we are probably right when we explain such-and-such a passage or when we make certain choices/perform certain actions.
However, evil and wrong thoughts are just as likely to come in. For example, have you ever suddenly had a lustful or prideful thought and had to cast it out of your mind during a self-assumed spiritual high? If that is possible, it is just as possible that any other kind of wrong thinking may occur.
Lastly, people who don't have the abidance of God can totally say the right things too. Take one of my favorite examples, Eli. He said the right things at the right times. When Hannah was weeping in the temple, his words gave her peace. He gave Samuel the famous line, "Speak, for your servant is listening." Great advice. Wise words. However, he was evil and condemned. God was not with him.
So, let us remember: No matter what stage in our spirituality, we can always be wrong. Just because we are a servant of God doesn't mean everything we say is automatically God's message. It doesn't mean everything we think is automatically what God thinks--even if it is based on the Bible. Just because we have a strong opinion about something, doesn't mean God agrees. Let us not confuse our will with God's will. Always meticulously listen for God, inquire of Him, and be ready to yield to His will.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
73. Go tell it on the mountain
I had fun and learned a lot this past 3-4 day weekend during my first snowboarding experience. (Finally have a chance to blog.)
At church on Saturday, some bros nonchalantly encouraged me to go snowboarding the next day. After taking a 3 hour final (7:30pm-10:30pm) that night, one of them texted me and then persuaded me on gchat to go. I probably would not have gone if he wasn't so excited about it. Also, since I felt like I didn't do very well on the exam, I decided to snowboard my sorrows away.
A couple of brothers patiently taught me how to snowboard. I actually thought they would sort of teach me the gist of it and then leave after a while to do more extreme things, but there was always at least one brother with me to make sure I was okay.
After the learning slopes, we went on the gondola to the top of a mountain. Going down, I kept falling on purpose, trying to go slower, and resting. The brother who was with me kept encouraging me. After detouring to the Sugar Slopes and getting down, I felt I was done for the day. Again, the brother kept encouraging me to go again. The reasons I gave for falling on purpose and finishing for the day were:
(1) I was too tired.
(2) I was too scared.
Indeed I was very tired. I hadn't done anything substantially physical in weeks because I was working on finals/final projects, resting at home (winter break), or at SSC. My knees, tailbone, and wrists hurt, and my muscles were sore.
I was also scared. When I go down the slope too fast, I sometimes lose control, put my weight in the wrong places, and then fall painfully. I was afraid to get hurt. I was also afraid of hitting other people, especially the little children skiing/snowboarding and their parents. It was the idea of going down a slope very fast and being unable to have any control over what may happen.
In the resting area, I realized that these two reasons are reflective of the reasons I often give for slacking in spiritual pursuit. Besides being physically tired, I was often spiritually tired this past semester--feeling unmotivated to genuinely pursue God, not wanting to pray, and being sluggish.
On the mountain, when I was tired, I would just sit in the snow and wait till I was ready to get up again to snowboard. Sometimes I wanted to keep sitting even though I wasn't that tired and was too lazy to get moving again. Then, there were brothers who'd zip near me to encourage me to get up. This reminded me of a vision a member had before. In the vision, brothers and sisters were running a race on a track. There would be obstacles along the way. When people fell, angels would come to try to help them get back up. However, there was also a darkness creeping forward, slowly covering the track from behind. Sometimes, when a member fell and didn't get back up, the darkness would cover him.
There were moments this semester when I would almost forget my identity as a Christian. I would just stop in spiritual pursuit and keep going through my daily motions. It went from feeling spiritually low to feeling spiritually numb and indifferent about my poor spirituality. Thankfully, there were several brothers and sisters who prayed for me and helped me get back up.
Now, what about being too scared?
Whenever I experience a spiritual high, I always have a spiritual crash afterward. With this mentality, I would be discouraged in my spiritual pursuit. If I were to try very hard and start going fast, I would just fall again. So what's the point of trying and getting hurt?
However, these thoughts are from the enemy who want to frighten us from rebuilding the spiritual wall in our hearts.
"They were all trying to frighten us, thinking, 'Their hands will get too weak for the work, and it will not be completed.'
But I prayed, 'Now strengthen my hands.'” (Nehemiah 6:9)
The enemy wants us to think we will fail. He wants us to remember how tired and weak we are. He wants us to be afraid of starting and not being able to complete the task.
But no! I will not! Yes, my hands are weak. Yes, it seems impossible to overcome my weaknesses and build up my spiritual life. But, I will pray to the Almighty Lord Jesus, and He will strengthen my hands and do what He does best. He will make the impossible possible.
Thank God for the love and patience I was able to witness and receive from fellow brothers this weekend. May Jesus strengthen us along this journey, and may His name be glorified. Hallelujah!
At church on Saturday, some bros nonchalantly encouraged me to go snowboarding the next day. After taking a 3 hour final (7:30pm-10:30pm) that night, one of them texted me and then persuaded me on gchat to go. I probably would not have gone if he wasn't so excited about it. Also, since I felt like I didn't do very well on the exam, I decided to snowboard my sorrows away.
A couple of brothers patiently taught me how to snowboard. I actually thought they would sort of teach me the gist of it and then leave after a while to do more extreme things, but there was always at least one brother with me to make sure I was okay.
After the learning slopes, we went on the gondola to the top of a mountain. Going down, I kept falling on purpose, trying to go slower, and resting. The brother who was with me kept encouraging me. After detouring to the Sugar Slopes and getting down, I felt I was done for the day. Again, the brother kept encouraging me to go again. The reasons I gave for falling on purpose and finishing for the day were:
(1) I was too tired.
(2) I was too scared.
Indeed I was very tired. I hadn't done anything substantially physical in weeks because I was working on finals/final projects, resting at home (winter break), or at SSC. My knees, tailbone, and wrists hurt, and my muscles were sore.
I was also scared. When I go down the slope too fast, I sometimes lose control, put my weight in the wrong places, and then fall painfully. I was afraid to get hurt. I was also afraid of hitting other people, especially the little children skiing/snowboarding and their parents. It was the idea of going down a slope very fast and being unable to have any control over what may happen.
In the resting area, I realized that these two reasons are reflective of the reasons I often give for slacking in spiritual pursuit. Besides being physically tired, I was often spiritually tired this past semester--feeling unmotivated to genuinely pursue God, not wanting to pray, and being sluggish.
On the mountain, when I was tired, I would just sit in the snow and wait till I was ready to get up again to snowboard. Sometimes I wanted to keep sitting even though I wasn't that tired and was too lazy to get moving again. Then, there were brothers who'd zip near me to encourage me to get up. This reminded me of a vision a member had before. In the vision, brothers and sisters were running a race on a track. There would be obstacles along the way. When people fell, angels would come to try to help them get back up. However, there was also a darkness creeping forward, slowly covering the track from behind. Sometimes, when a member fell and didn't get back up, the darkness would cover him.
There were moments this semester when I would almost forget my identity as a Christian. I would just stop in spiritual pursuit and keep going through my daily motions. It went from feeling spiritually low to feeling spiritually numb and indifferent about my poor spirituality. Thankfully, there were several brothers and sisters who prayed for me and helped me get back up.
Now, what about being too scared?
Whenever I experience a spiritual high, I always have a spiritual crash afterward. With this mentality, I would be discouraged in my spiritual pursuit. If I were to try very hard and start going fast, I would just fall again. So what's the point of trying and getting hurt?
However, these thoughts are from the enemy who want to frighten us from rebuilding the spiritual wall in our hearts.
"They were all trying to frighten us, thinking, 'Their hands will get too weak for the work, and it will not be completed.'
But I prayed, 'Now strengthen my hands.'” (Nehemiah 6:9)
The enemy wants us to think we will fail. He wants us to remember how tired and weak we are. He wants us to be afraid of starting and not being able to complete the task.
But no! I will not! Yes, my hands are weak. Yes, it seems impossible to overcome my weaknesses and build up my spiritual life. But, I will pray to the Almighty Lord Jesus, and He will strengthen my hands and do what He does best. He will make the impossible possible.
Thank God for the love and patience I was able to witness and receive from fellow brothers this weekend. May Jesus strengthen us along this journey, and may His name be glorified. Hallelujah!
Saturday, January 8, 2011
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