86. Oh, I've seen this before

(Blog post started on 1/7/11. Finally got to finish it today.)

Thank God I got a lot out of the senior class last week about David. Surprisingly, some of the stories and lessons were reinforced through recent sermons I heard.

Things that stood out to me:
1. David defeats Philistines twice
2. David spares Saul twice
3. Mephibosheth

This entry is about "David defeats Philistines twice." This was part of a Monday night service.

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In 2 Sam 5:18,22, the Philistines came and spread out in the Valley of Rephaim twice. In both instances, David inquired of the Lord.

The first time, God told him to attack the Philistines, saying "Go, for I will surely hand the Philistines over to you."

However, in the second inquiry, God told David, "Do not go straight up, but circle around behind them and attack them in front of the balsam trees. As soon as you hear the sound of marching in the tops of the balsam trees, move quickly, because that will mean the Lord has gone out in front of you to strike the Philistine army."
Whoa, what a mouthful.

David encountered the same challenge of the Philistines spread out in the Valley of Rephaim twice. However, what is most notable is that he inquires of God even in the second time. Often, when we encounter difficulties in life (holy work, school work, work work, family...) for the first time, we may be filled with insecurities and earnestly ask God to guide us through. However, when it comes to the 2nd or 3rd time around a difficulty that seems identical to the last, the prayers aren't as urgent or earnest. In fact, sometimes we might even think, "Oh, I've seen this before."

Well, what would have happened if David thought, "Oh, I've seen this before"? If he never inquired of God again, he would have lost.

It's really hard to always quiet myself down to ask God about something I think I already know. I usually will just want to get my hands on the work and finish it. However, in preparing for the last semester's campus evangelical event, I realized so many things I thought would have just been simple repeated procedures were totally different.

Perhaps experience will expedite and smoothen some of the things we do, but in the end, what matters is if we ask God about it. What matters is if we really care about what God thinks. Does it please Him? Or am I just working away in my own little world?

When we inquire of God, it is a sign of humility. And who knows, maybe we'll get a long-winded, complicated answer for a situation in which God gave us a short answer the first time.

(Bread for Wells also mentions this story if you want to read more. Also, I probably won't be blogging about the other things I learned. Too long ago.)

85. ¿Hablas español?

One Saturday evening, as I was sitting on the train back to school, a woman suddenly approached me asking, "¿Hablas español?"

What are the chances that a middle-aged Hispanic woman would ask a young Asian boy if he spoke Spanish?

"Sí," I responded.

She proceeded to tell me that she was trying to get back to the Elizabeth train station because she didn’t get off at the right time. She was very frantic.

With horrible Spanish, I tried to tell her that she could switch trains at the next station. I think I may have misinterpreted her problem because she kept trying to clarify. I also kept asking her what she was talking about.

From then on, I realized I could hardly understand her Spanish. Even though I could hear the words she was saying, I had to translate them into English in my mind. For example, she said quickly, “Si me puedas decir…” followed by a mix of other words. I was already stuck at “Si me puedas decir,” thinking about how to interpret her use of a conditional statement and subjunctive mood. By the time I figured out that she was using an indirect object pronoun in her “se” construction to say, “If you can tell me…”, she had already left to find someone else to help her.

I realized how under-prepared I was to evangelize in Spanish even though we’ve had Spanish Bible studies and Spanish MVP. If I couldn’t even help her solve her train problem, how could I help her discover salvation? Feeling utterly useless, I sat in my seat thinking about how I would blog about this experience.

She had gone to a man who spoke Spanish, and I was hoping she would come back, so I could give her a church card. I got out an Elizabeth TJC card and wrote the service times and church name in Spanish (They were in Chinese/English). After she spoke with the man, she walked away to sit down somewhere else. I felt that it was probably a lost cause because she had already decided to sit somewhere else. However, I prayed in my heart that she would somehow come back toward where I was sitting so I could give her the card.

At the station right before I needed to get off, she came toward where I was sitting to exit. Thank God! I walked over.

I tried to see if she found out how to get back, “Señora, ¿sabes como…uh…” Fumble.

“Sí, sí,” she affirmed.

“Oh okay. Um… Quiero invitarte a mi iglesia.” I handed her the card. She wasn’t too excited.

“Gracias, gracias,” she said.

Thank God I was able to give her a church card at the end. Perhaps things worked out this way so that I had time to write the Spanish on the card. Perhaps she may be inspired to come when she sees the card in her bag in the future. Or perhaps her husband might see it and come. Who knows? God will bring His sheep if they belong to Him.

Overall, I realized how much I still need to improve in conversational Spanish (applying the academic), especially for preaching. Even more important, I realized that no matter how much we physically prepare, everything is truly in God’s hand – timing, ability to preach the Word, etc. May God give us inspiration, strength, and power to do what He has sent us out to do!

(Visit http://tjcevangelize.tumblr.com/ for more blog posts about evangelism.)

84. Message in the Night

I'm lying in a bed, not knowing if I'm dreaming or awake. I'm turned to the left with my back exposed from the blanket. Everything is dark and blurry. My eyes aren't open, but I can see or at least imagine what I look like.

Suddenly, I feel paranoid. Is there something behind me to my right? No, it can't be. It doesn't feel like there is.

Maybe I should check to make sure.

Uh oh.
I can't turn my head. I can't open my eyes.

What if there is something behind me?
Now I'm getting scared.

Hallelujah.

Did I just whisper that or think that? I need to say it louder.

Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!...Hallelujah!

Oh my gosh, I think there's something there.
Wait. I hear some words. "...repent... sins..." I hear some more words and try to piece them together in my mind.

...

"You repent for your sins, but you do not change your ways."

83. Classroom Carrots

Intro to Logic Design

Professor: [asks a question] "Anyone? I'd like to see more hands. Last time I said I would have an incentive, and I have something today."

[three hands shoot up]
[student answers question]
[professor supplements]

Professor: [reaches into bag] "You were probably expecting candy, but instead, I have... carrots!"

[throws bag of carrots to student]

Professor: "There's more where that came from."

--

He gave away 2 bags of carrots, and I was the second one. Whoo!

In conclusion, long lectures are more bearable with more rest/sleep. Carrots help too.

82. Classroom Fun

Econometrics

Professor: "What is a better way to estimate this?"

Student: "MLE,"

Professor: "What's MLE? I don't know what MLE is! Who knows what MLE is? ...[pause]... Actually, I know what it is--Maximum Likelihood Estimator. And you're right. But I don't want to go there yet."

81. Disgusting

"An example of a positive externality is when you make your yard very pretty. If I walk by, I'll see it and say, 'Oh, it's so beautiful,' and my utility will increase. But, when you work on your yard, you don't think about how other people's utility will increase. You only do it because you like it, and you only consider your own costs."

Said my professor in the lecture I just came back from.

She said it like it was a matter of fact, and nobody openly reacted strangely to this. Personally, I thought her statement was very weird. Of course, she was trying to explain positive externalities, but I can totally imagine an old lady who keeps her yard so that she can brighten the day of those living in her neighborhood. People making their yards pretty also probably do care about what other's think about their yard, and if others like their yard, their own utility will increase. It's more like simultaneous causality.

However, what she said also made me think of how I often just care about my own good and what costs I have to make to achieve personal benefits. How much I may care for others doesn't even come close to how much I care and think for myself. And when I do happen to conveniently do something for others, I subconsciously praise myself for being such a nice person.

Disgusting.

80. Wall Street Fat Cat

Today was the last internship interview I had (unless I get notified of other ones).

I really like this internship. But, it's a 3 hour train ride to the closest church.
The people are nice. I would be working in the energy industry (interesting!) under a FERC non-profit ISO, instead of as a Wall Street fat cat.

Thank God they said it was a good interview. I find out the results at the end of March. I was their first interviewee, and they still have other ones. So much uncertainty about tomorrow and what will happen... but at least I know who holds my hand.

Where He leads me, I will follow.
I'll go with Him, with Him all the way.

79. Post-Interview Happiness

I just came back from an interview for a finance position and am now feeling very happy.

I actually already assumed beforehand that I would not do well in the interview and not get the internship, so I decided to bring some TJC calendar cards to give to the interviewer. Might as well put my 30 minutes to some use.

However, it turns out they didn't ask me any scary finance questions. (I didn't have any time this weekend to prepare). We went through my resume, they talked about their experiences, and in a couple of days, I'll get a response. It was mostly conversation. The internship itself would be doing number crunching and preparing presentations. Hardcore training will only come if you are invited back after the internship.

The interviewers were also very nice and smiley, so I actually had a good time. I came out feeling quite happy. When I was walking back to my dorm, there was a girl who smiled in my direction and said "Hey, how're you doing?" Even though she wasn't talking to me, it added to the brightening of my day. And just before writing this post, I read on a brother's status, "Happy happy everywhere."

Indeed, happy happy happy everywhere! Whether I get an offer or not, I will rejoice in the LORD forever!

78. Inconsistence

Inconsistent behavior is often a result of favoritism, bias, prejudice, and caring too much about what others think.

77. I'll be satisfied as long

I am weak but Thou art strong;
Jesus keep me from all wrong;
I'll be satisfied as long
As I walk, let me walk close to Thee;

As I sang this verse during Winter Spiritual Cultivation at Elizabeth today, I felt a strong discord in my heart. Something that would have rung truer to me at the time would have been, "I'll be satisfied as long... as I can get an internship," or "I'll be satisfied as long... as I can get good grades."

How far has it been since I truly felt that I would be fully satisfied from just walking closer to Jesus? How far has it been since I could truly say "Amen" to this hymn? Since I started applying for internships, I've noticed my prayers have gotten more and more selfish. Perhaps they were already selfish before, but I realized how disgustingly selfish they had become. In prayer, I would think about my internship applications, upcoming interviews, or how I keep getting rejected. It didn't even seem like I cared about Jesus and our relationship.

I already am very blessed. What is there to be discontent about? Why do I care about my future so much that I forget about drawing closer to God? So what if I don't get an internship? Whether I do or not, I shouldn't let anything blind me from my desire to be closer to God.

Just a closer walk with Thee,
Grant it, Jesus, is my plea,
Daily walking close to Thee,
Let it be, dear Lord, let it be.

76. Hidden Star

Her name means "hidden star."

She was hidden for a long time, and revealed at the crucial moment. Yet, at that point in time, she powerfully emitted the piercing rays of salvation with the mighty support of the king, her maids, and her people.

That she "won the favor of everyone who saw her" is constantly repeated. While her true identity and purpose were hidden, she humbly listened to the experienced (2:15) and diligently established good relationships with all those around her. That is how she won favor.

Then, the time came--the opportunity for the star to be revealed. From her previous good relations came a group of maids to fast with her, all the Jews in the city to fast for her, and a kind king who would grant her request. She saved the Jews with such an influential momentum that "many people of other nationalities [even] became Jews" (8:17).

In order for our stars to shine their brightest, we must learn from the ways of the hidden star who won the favor of everyone who saw her. Though she remained hidden for most of her story life, she did not waste that time. She patiently built good relations with everyone.

75. Sleeping More

Sleeping more, or rather enough, really does make a difference.

This semester, I'll be needing it in order to concentrate in classes, be on top of my work, and not being in a zombie state of "too tired to work, too early to sleep."

Being physically refreshed from sleep also tends to help me be more spiritually alert.

Average morning class time is earlier than last semester. My aim is to wake up at 8am everyday and sleep at 11:30pm. Let's go!